Suffered from insomnia all night despite all the cough, flu, Bipolar and extra dose of tranquilizers. Tried a double brandy on the rockbut it didn't help at all. I guess I'm getting all queasy about the kids starting school in another 2 hours' time, that they will be thrown into independence, that they will inevitably be dragged into the rat race. The mere thought of these are enough to give me a panic attack. How to sleep???
Does anyone has the same expeience as I have? Or is it because my kids are born under some special circumstances that's why I'm behaving this way? What about because I am not truly surrendering to God and casting all my worries upon Him? The mere idea that worry is a sin in itself is enough to throw me into another round of panic attack!!!
The one good thing that came out of this is I got to call my beloved baby sis in the States and had a long chat with her. Miss her so much. We can now meet only once a year at most, and together with Adrian, she has been my pillar of strength when I was yet to be a disciple. It's so difficult to let her go, yet she found such a good husband that I can't imagine anyone else would share the same eccentricities as her. They are indeed a pair made in heaven. I just have to let go.
Letting go is such a tough job. In the first place, the decision is difficult to make. Then comes the actual action of letting go, which literally tears my heart apart. And the after effect of letting go, that your life seems to be suddenly empty with some important part missing, to the effect that sometimes I don't feel my heart is in my chest after all.
Sisters, please pray for me that I learn t letgo gracefully and truly surrener to God, casting ll my worries upon Him and stop lashing Jesus again with my sins. Amen
1 comment:
Sure I totally understand.
That is why I struggle today as well. Cannot take leave, so much work but my heart is with the 2 girls, both in new schools. And when I dropped Rayna just now, her eyes were full of fear.
Soon Keow
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