As promised, will update you with what has happened.
In th 1 days of school, I caught my son lying about losing his pocket money 3 times. And he was so real about it that he cried so bitterly, no one would have suspected anything if he hadn't tried it 3 times in a row.
On Friday morning, I was still on the phone with the form teacher who thinks I'm overreacting about my boy. But by school dismissal time, she said she had something serious to talk to me and will call me. What happened was my boy actually stole something from his classmate, a ball of fish feed that costs only 20 cents. It wasn't that he didn't have any money, he had more than a dollar in his wallet at the time when he was caught. It was over this stealing and lying that Adrian and I seeked Teck Ming's help, for we find that while he is only 7 years old, his behaviour is far more mature than that.
At Teck's advice, we gave him a great Saturday, sending Natalie away to Lay Choo's house for the day so that he could have both of our attention. After his favourite Korean BBQ dinner, I confronted him. Gently lah, of course. Initially he would only tell me things that I already knew, and I had to send him into the shower telling him that I know something happened just before school dismissal on Friday and I'd rather hear it from him that from the teacher. After colin down with a shower, he finally came out with the 'truth'. I asked him why has he been telling white lies these days, and his reply gave me a shock: "The devil tells me to lie." Upon further prompting, he claimed that there's a voice in him telling him to be naughty and to lie, and if he doesn't do so, the voice would be angry. After consulting Teck and his wife, we decided that either:
- I have a son with extremely fertile imagination and ability to tell lies;
- I have a lonely son who needs the company of an invisible voice to keep him company all the time; or
- I have a schizoprenic child in hand.
When Adrian probed him today, Nathanial refused to confess about lying and stealing, saying that it is a secret between he and I. So much for the father-son relationship.
I will be taking Teck's advice and send Nathanial for child psychologist assessment, please pray for me that Nathanial is not psychotic. It would then be much easier to solve the problem.
Most importantly of all, Sisters, please keep this from your kids, as I promised Nathanial no one will know about this. But there is no way I can keep this from all of you, the burden is far too heavy for me to carry alone. Just treat him as usual, don't let any of the kids know about these episodes, and I would be so grateful to you.
I know you will be praying for me (ha! safe assumption!!!), thanks and I really appreciate it.
Love, Carol
12 comments:
Hi Carol,
I totally understand how you feels. I went through there before. Like what i share before, i had two older boys (Mark and Louis). Louis was the younger and aways get protected, loves by me and Mark all those years. I been holding Louis' hand even i remarried. Louis was age 10, he still need me to hug, hold hand, sit on my lap. My husband always complain to me and talked to him, "Louis, it time to grow up". Louis was sad and angry with him. He question my husband why he (my husband) can hold my hand but not him.
After move to US with new born baby (Keenan). I get stress and end up depression. My husband hardly at home, I have no help. I set the whole house and everything i do it myself. All those loves had become to the baby. Louis get left alone without my hug, talks, spent time and so on.... To get my attention, he start to steal money from my wallets. He tells lies he did not took it. When Mark also complain that money was gone. I start to talk to Louis again. He still did not admit it. I use the soft and hard way, but nothing work. I have no one to talk too, i not really close to any church members in US. I really have no club what to do. I send e-mails to my husband, when he back home. He talked to Louis. My husband had study child psychologist, he not a doctor yet. Just know some info. He suspect Louis had two life's, good and evil side. All those times i talked to Louis was good and innocent side. The evil side are very good in hiding. To make Louis to focus on good side, he advise me to make Louis involve doing things with me. I also go date with him without my baby. I allow him sleep with me in the same room when my husband not around. I watch TV with him even i not interested. To cut in short, i spent time, talk, use Bible, pray, date, make him busy by doing housework, cooking and babysitter did help him a lot.
Now Louis still ok. He just need loves and attention. Maybe your child need attention from you and your husband too. Just that he don't know how to express it out. Don't worry, will pray for you.
Diana
Dear sisters (both Carol and Diana),
thank you so much for sharing, for being vulnerable also. Kids' struggles affect mothers most, don't they?
I think of the many times I fell into deceit myself at work, speaking half-truths in order to look good, to please and to show others I have done a good job.
I also recall having to cope with the feelings of guilt that follow suit. How unbearable! Simply too heavy for me to carry. Then I will think of Jesus bearing that guilt on the cross.
In the end, I told myself I would never fall into this anymore, I simply hate the feelings of guilt. Looking back, maybe God is allowing me to understand and relate a little to Peter. Else I am going to be a self-righteous brat.
Who knows? Maybe each child has to go through this. I think few grow up without lying or being deceitful at all. Perhaps this is God's way to draw them close, through reasons that tempt them to sin (maybe loneliness, rebellion, attention-seeking,etc); that during the SIN-study they have something to confess.
Let us pray and try to help them to fear/love God enough to stay righteous. Fear of the Lord is beginning of wisdom.
PS:I am still working on this same sin with my kids....and myself too in the area of wanting to look good.
Love,sk
Dear Coral,
I want to share my son. You know he is an autistic child. But GOD has changed him so much that now he can go to normal school and behave as a normal child. But certain behavior he still can't get out of it. He is impulsive, do things very fast. Recently I ride bicycles w him to church. I was worry cos he did not pay attention to the traffic light even I warn him many times. Then I realized that I can't change him. I ask him to stop cycling. We have a prayer before we go. I ask him to follow me to pray. In his prayer, he asked GOD to teach him to pay attention at the traffic lights. After the prayer, I saw him change. He slow down, watch the traffic light be4 he cross. I was over joy and say "Amen"
Love,
Wendy
amen!! sisters
thank you for encouraging carol and share your experience.
Life is challenging and is real, but God is always there to strengthen us and helps us.
Carol u are not alone, we ban of sisters are praying for u!
and who know it is one of satan trick to distract u.
I don't think nat has serious pro that need to see pschologist, I don't mean Teck meng advise is not good, as he don't really know your family background. well, your are mother, you know your son , we as church ,can do our v best to help.
like what the sisters share, he may seeking attention from both of u.
appreciate your openness, we will definitly keep your family in prayer. zip zip our lip ;)
luv,
veron
Dearest Carol,
I wanted to catch up with you on Sunday (not on the issue of Nathaniel as i only read abt it this morning) but heard from Adrian that you are not too well and are resting at home. Hope you are feeling better now.
Thanks for your sharing. I recalled having to deal with Jeremy's deceitfulness last year when he was 9. He returned home after school to play computer game which he knews the home rule very well that no games during school days) stay at home to play computer game instead of going for his remedial class. We had many good talks with him. Honestly, so far i have never heard of any kids who dont go thru stuff like these...think positively, it is good that sins are exposed during their tender year, so that we are still able to help them change. Lets pray and ask God for wisdom to raise our children according to His ways.
Love, Just.
Dearest sisters,
Thank you very much for your encouragements. This is far more than I expected to receive. Like Veron said, I don't think I have a schizoprenic child, but that is the easiest problem to rule out with the help of modern technology. Which is why Teck suggested that and we ourselves think it's the best thing to do first besides praying about it.
I'm so grateful to God for sending mea whole band of angels like you to support me through this difficult time. I'm struggling not only with the kids starting school, Nathanial's deceitfulness, a complete change in daily schedule, but also a downturn of my psychotic condition. But I know that unlike 3 years ago when I attempted suicide, this time I have all of you with me giving me support, and I have the Holy Spirit in me to guide me to do what is right and kick whatever Satan tries to lure me into the toilet bowl and flush it away. Hahaha!!!
On a serious note, I really love all of you. Thank you for being here for me.
Love,
Carol
btw... janelle lied so many times! when she was lower primary. and it is GOd who reviewed to me and not from her..
of course i can't really remember cos i forgive and forget.. hahaha
now she and also her sister learned the lesson. before they are tempted to lie , they have to think of the consequences...
Janelle had a hard consequences ....
veron
schizoprenic...i dont even know how to pronounce it...take time out with God Carol, as i read your sharing, i cant help but to feel that you are not at peace..your mind and heart are busy going fast...Carol, slow down...let God speak to you.
Love, Just.
Yes, Just, I'm going fast, faster than most people. Which explains why I'm suffering from the psychotic condition called Bipolar Disorder and need to be on medication for life. Not many people know this as I don't share about it unless I get the chance, but I'm glad I have this ondition, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to approach Natalie Chan and finish studying with her so quickly. She has the same problem as me.
Hi Carol,
You are right,God gives us certain conditions for reason known only to Him. Just like what John preached yesterday about King Josiah's death. Although some may think it is unfair, God's way differs from ours. And without your condiion, perhaps Natalie may not be so easily drawn to God.
Each of us is a tool used by God.
And each of us has so much to learn from one another.
Amen!
Just want to let you know that, should you need a break over weekend, you are welcome to park your lovely twins with me, ok?
Love, Just.
Dearest Sisters,
I'm really overwhelmed by your unconditional love for me. hat a reflection of Jesus' love for us!
Thanks, thanks, thanks!
Love,
Carol
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