Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?

Many have asked the question how did Adrian ever coped with my Bipolar Disorder without spiritual help and support from brothers from church. Well, I never knew. All I know was that he was determined to stick through our marriage vows, be it in sickness or in health, riches or poverty. And he did a brilliant job out of it. Thinking back, I have to applaud him and thank him for loving me over the kids. And I can't help but thank Cheng Yong for the part he played, listening to Adrian pour out his woes and sorrows till 2am while I was lying in the hospital bed, semi-insane.

I've always asked Adrian if he ever felt that he got the worse end of the deal. Somehow he never looked at our relationship in this way. He feels that as a husband and a father, his job is to protect the family from all harm, regardless of the dangers ahead. Sounds like we're wild animals living in the jungle, don't we? :) Anyway, that brings to mind a retro called 'Loving You Is a Dirty Job, But Somebody's Gotta Do it'. And that 'somebody' is destined to be Adrian for as long as God is not ready to take me, I suppose.

Now that I'm enslaved to all these stupid medications for life, I sometimes really lose the courage to live on. It might be difficult to understand, but imagine having to take over 10 pills every night for the rest of your life. Often I'd ask God why me? But I guess I'll never get an answer before I see Him on Judgement Day. It is such a temptation to skip a couple of doses here and there because nobody likes to be enslaved to anyone or anything, but that is where Mr Lucifer strikes silently. Miss the dose and you go haywire. And you'll be doing insane things like flinging chairs around the house, breaking everything within sight, perhaps even taking a chopper and running after your family's lives. It's just beyond control. Only the medication would make a Bipolar Disorder patient sane, and this sanity may not last forever as one gets immune to the medication and requires a stronger dose now and then.

There is this Chinese song that ends with 'Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow'. This is a question I frequently ask Adrian, especially when my Bipolar acts up and I feel insecure of everyone's love for me. No doubt God's love is supreme and perfect and everlasting, I have lived with no other love for over a decade before I became a disciple. So Adrian's love for me is still extremely important, for even in the kingdom I see many couples breaking up and straying from God. It's such a scary thought that one day I might have to live a life of a Eunice or a single Mom, or even fight a custody over the twins. I won't be able to cope with it.

Honey, will you still love me tomorrow?