Ok sisters... I am going to try blogging... first try... :)
I have been looking forward to this weekend where we get to focus on our marriage :)
many of you would think Dennis and I have a great marriage...Yes we do :)
Is there disagreements... Yes there are... and I know there are areas to work on ...and I know I need to come and I want to come!
I really do believe that without God and without church and without bro/sis in our lives, our marriage will not be as great as it is now...
I am thankful and grateful..
One surprise for me... While in the feedback, we are asked to rate our first 3 most import needs in marriage... it does not surprise me that Dennis choosed different choices from me.... that John covered that Men need showing admiration, taking an interest and providing sexual fulfillment and looking attractive... while women need affection, honest and responsible! What surprised me was that while I was satisfied with him meeting my 3 most impt needs, he wasn't... Wake up call... Then I recalled john said Each side tend to rate the need of the other as being lower in their own ranking of whats important... I must confess I am sinful of this and I want to repent! For a start I would like to admire my husband more... He is a wonderful man that God bless me with ... Gradually this should help the other 2 areas..
Amen :)
Pauline
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
My Valentine's Gift
I actually hate Valentine's Day. When with my ex-husband, of course during dating we do celebate. But after stay with him become his wife, the next ten years, it just like normal day to me. No flower, no chocolate, no movie, no dinner, no gift, nothing at all. During dating in kingdom, of course my favourite brother (my husband) will celebrate together with me. But only one time. The second year is when we prepare our wedding plus it during Chinese New Year. After married to him, Sigh..... Our Valentine's day, Wedding Anniversay and birthday, he's not around with me. End up i still alone on those three important dates. Dont know why, when comes to those important date (in both Singapore and US), he either send out to oversea or on training.
Did you know my husband is my Valentine's gift from God? Yeah, now you know. I went steady with my husband on 10-February-2004 after midweek service at Singapore Power Building. After five months dating, and six months planing, we get ROM on 5-February-2005. One month later, we got married. We need ROM cert early to apply for paperwork, and also get free air tickets for our honeymoon from my husband's company as our wedding gift. God give me my boyfriend, and let him be my husband. How are all work out?? It all through prayer. My prayer sure works. What i pray for, will comes true. I just pray, trust and believe, God will answer my prayer. I had very strong faith and powerful in prayer. This is my second gifts "prayer" God give to me. My first gift is my "joy".
I still remember, during my heart broken divorced, i pray to God to give me a man. (Veron, you still remember those days?? Our morning prayer.) I list down all those requests that i want this man to have and be. Here's the list: 1) this man must be older than me (my mind cant change, i cant face to married a young husband), 2) must be mature and spiritual than me (i already had two boys, i really don't want to have another man that i have to teach him everything), 3) must have stable job and finance, (to be honest, i never want to be tai tai, i just don't want I'm the one support the family and worry months end need), 4) accept me who i am, 5) must accept my boys as his son (I heard lot of step-parent stories, it really scare me). 6) i want to get married before age 30 (lot of single sisters told me, it very hard to be happen. They pray the same thing, but still never comes true). Am i asked too much from God? I never think about it. I just want a man, not for me, but for my boys. I don't want my boys to grow up without a father. I also don't want them to be laugh and look down because they have no father. I want a man to loves them, care for them, protect them, and do all those man stuffs instead of follow me go shopping malls and sewing shops. I tell God, i don't need husband. Have husband and no husband, does not make any different for me. But to my boys, have a father or not, it big different.
This man come from no where, don't know why he interested in me. He asked me out for date few times, i turn him down. I just scare to hangout with him. The problem i had is my English. Most of you know, my English no really good. I have to talk to a man which their first language is English. Sigh.... Instead of ask me out, this time he asked for my sons. I never suspect what he want from my boys, since my two boys both below age 10. He asked for once, few weeks later asked again, another few weeks later asked my boys again. My boys not only go out with him, but also sleepover at his house. End up my boys really likes him. Every time they comes back, they have no ending stories to tells me what they do. To the point that my boys stay over on Friday night when his group had Bible Talk until Sunday morning he bring my boys to church and passed to me. When comes to Sunday after church for lunch, this three man (my two boys and him) cant wait to tell me what happen during the weekends. I actually feels very noise when three of them try to talks. But they just laugh when talking no stop. I really don't know what happen or so funny, they just get along.
Until Veron break the new to me. He really want to build relationship with me. Veron encourage me to try it out, if don't work out it fine. After two months dating, we nearly break off. He feels that i not really serious with this relationship. I don't care for him, don't open much to him, don't trust what he say (forgive me, i just cant trust man. I don't care in Kingdom or world, i just don't trust man). He told me, he really want this relationship to work, not just play around. So i honest to him, i don't need him. I looking a father for my boys, not a husband for me. If he cant accept it, just end this relationship here. Guess what? He told me, he really loves my boys. He don't mind to be father to my boys. He loves to have kids. That's how our relationship start allover again to know each other until the day we married.
Does God answer all my prayer? The answer is yes. Every single of them, nothing is missing. 1) my husband is 6 years older than me, 2) he not only mature and spiritual, but also serving and giving too, 3) he works in Government job, market is bad, he still have his job, he also can save money too 4) Of course, I'm the only woman in the family. Ha ha ha...., 5) even now i had a baby that belong to him. He still don't have favouritism. Every time he back from oversea, he will spent time with two older boys. They doing things (only three of them): watch movies, play Wii, watch westing, watch baseballs games in stadium (my husband don't like sports, but my boys do), and some outdoor stuffs that i and my baby are not allow to go 6) i get married at age 28.
But still i spent my important dates without him. Until recent, i think back. God actually is my Valentine. I asked for a father for my boys, but not a husband. Of course those important dates, my husband is not around. God actually waiting for me to celebrate those important dates with Him. Without God give to me, my boys still have no father. This coming Valentine's Day, i should give back to God. God already give me a wonderful and special gift. This year, I'm going to prepare a wonderful dinner (bake salmon fish) and great dessert (Love-shape cheesecake) to have with my spiritual husband (God) on dinner table. God is really my true husband. Only He there for me 24/7 and know everything better than myself, my parent, my friends. Looking forward to the day comes. Father, I Loves You SO.... Much.
Love you
Diana
Did you know my husband is my Valentine's gift from God? Yeah, now you know. I went steady with my husband on 10-February-2004 after midweek service at Singapore Power Building. After five months dating, and six months planing, we get ROM on 5-February-2005. One month later, we got married. We need ROM cert early to apply for paperwork, and also get free air tickets for our honeymoon from my husband's company as our wedding gift. God give me my boyfriend, and let him be my husband. How are all work out?? It all through prayer. My prayer sure works. What i pray for, will comes true. I just pray, trust and believe, God will answer my prayer. I had very strong faith and powerful in prayer. This is my second gifts "prayer" God give to me. My first gift is my "joy".
I still remember, during my heart broken divorced, i pray to God to give me a man. (Veron, you still remember those days?? Our morning prayer.) I list down all those requests that i want this man to have and be. Here's the list: 1) this man must be older than me (my mind cant change, i cant face to married a young husband), 2) must be mature and spiritual than me (i already had two boys, i really don't want to have another man that i have to teach him everything), 3) must have stable job and finance, (to be honest, i never want to be tai tai, i just don't want I'm the one support the family and worry months end need), 4) accept me who i am, 5) must accept my boys as his son (I heard lot of step-parent stories, it really scare me). 6) i want to get married before age 30 (lot of single sisters told me, it very hard to be happen. They pray the same thing, but still never comes true). Am i asked too much from God? I never think about it. I just want a man, not for me, but for my boys. I don't want my boys to grow up without a father. I also don't want them to be laugh and look down because they have no father. I want a man to loves them, care for them, protect them, and do all those man stuffs instead of follow me go shopping malls and sewing shops. I tell God, i don't need husband. Have husband and no husband, does not make any different for me. But to my boys, have a father or not, it big different.
This man come from no where, don't know why he interested in me. He asked me out for date few times, i turn him down. I just scare to hangout with him. The problem i had is my English. Most of you know, my English no really good. I have to talk to a man which their first language is English. Sigh.... Instead of ask me out, this time he asked for my sons. I never suspect what he want from my boys, since my two boys both below age 10. He asked for once, few weeks later asked again, another few weeks later asked my boys again. My boys not only go out with him, but also sleepover at his house. End up my boys really likes him. Every time they comes back, they have no ending stories to tells me what they do. To the point that my boys stay over on Friday night when his group had Bible Talk until Sunday morning he bring my boys to church and passed to me. When comes to Sunday after church for lunch, this three man (my two boys and him) cant wait to tell me what happen during the weekends. I actually feels very noise when three of them try to talks. But they just laugh when talking no stop. I really don't know what happen or so funny, they just get along.
Until Veron break the new to me. He really want to build relationship with me. Veron encourage me to try it out, if don't work out it fine. After two months dating, we nearly break off. He feels that i not really serious with this relationship. I don't care for him, don't open much to him, don't trust what he say (forgive me, i just cant trust man. I don't care in Kingdom or world, i just don't trust man). He told me, he really want this relationship to work, not just play around. So i honest to him, i don't need him. I looking a father for my boys, not a husband for me. If he cant accept it, just end this relationship here. Guess what? He told me, he really loves my boys. He don't mind to be father to my boys. He loves to have kids. That's how our relationship start allover again to know each other until the day we married.
Does God answer all my prayer? The answer is yes. Every single of them, nothing is missing. 1) my husband is 6 years older than me, 2) he not only mature and spiritual, but also serving and giving too, 3) he works in Government job, market is bad, he still have his job, he also can save money too 4) Of course, I'm the only woman in the family. Ha ha ha...., 5) even now i had a baby that belong to him. He still don't have favouritism. Every time he back from oversea, he will spent time with two older boys. They doing things (only three of them): watch movies, play Wii, watch westing, watch baseballs games in stadium (my husband don't like sports, but my boys do), and some outdoor stuffs that i and my baby are not allow to go 6) i get married at age 28.
But still i spent my important dates without him. Until recent, i think back. God actually is my Valentine. I asked for a father for my boys, but not a husband. Of course those important dates, my husband is not around. God actually waiting for me to celebrate those important dates with Him. Without God give to me, my boys still have no father. This coming Valentine's Day, i should give back to God. God already give me a wonderful and special gift. This year, I'm going to prepare a wonderful dinner (bake salmon fish) and great dessert (Love-shape cheesecake) to have with my spiritual husband (God) on dinner table. God is really my true husband. Only He there for me 24/7 and know everything better than myself, my parent, my friends. Looking forward to the day comes. Father, I Loves You SO.... Much.
Love you
Diana
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Xian ah...
Feeling so mood. Been 3 years since the last severe attack. Will I go back to the extreme of committing suicide, or will the Holy Spirit protect me this time that I'm baptized, together with so many sisters' and brothers' prayers? Praise the Lord the medical review is tomorrow, otherwise you bet I will go to the specialist clinic at CGH and demand to be seen immediately. Hahaha, now you my schema liao, entitlement. Actually I don't see why I should have it, it's the psychiatrist himself telling me that should I have any problems before my appointment, I should go banging at the door. Not literally of course lah.
I hate this illness. When I'm up I'm like crazy and can't think of anything but eat and spend money. But when I'm down, I go to the extreme of self-mutilation and suicidal thoughts, even attempts. Remember pauline telling me lately that she loves the flu tablet Piriton, 1 tablet makes you sleep through the night and you feel shiok the next day. Ha, big deal. My record is 37 tablets at one shot without sleeping a wink the whole night, let alone kena A&E and pumping.
Feel absolutely lousy about myself. Never can predict my mood. Talk about getting up from the wrong side of the bed. Try that everyday. You'll know what I mean.
At the moment blood and pain excite me. I'd love to get hold of a cutter and slash my arm. Not that I've never done it before. 2 years ago I 'carved' myself a 'bracelet' arond my left wrist, but was careful enough not to get it too deep into the artery. Last year I 'engraved' a smiley on my left inner arm, fairly deep but somehow it didn't get infected. Last Friday afternon I slashed my left inner wrist, but not deep enough, not shiok. So slash one more time, this time damn shiok man. But now almost completely healed already leh, what else shall I do??? Blindfold myself and cross the road? Sometimes pain excites me to the extend that I whip myself on the back with a cane until the flesh becomes raw. Of course no one at home knows about this, I make sure the kids are asleep and Adrian in KL or working late. Running out of idea ofinducing pain on myself.
Bet none of you can understand how I feel, not even Natalie. Big deal if we both have the same psychotic disorder. Even identical twins have different characters and fingerprints. But I know you'll all be praying for me. You're my sisters in Christ, not those fickle-minded pagens out there in the secular world.
Thanks for hearing my horror story. Sorry if I cause any of you sleepless nights and nightmares.
I hate this illness. When I'm up I'm like crazy and can't think of anything but eat and spend money. But when I'm down, I go to the extreme of self-mutilation and suicidal thoughts, even attempts. Remember pauline telling me lately that she loves the flu tablet Piriton, 1 tablet makes you sleep through the night and you feel shiok the next day. Ha, big deal. My record is 37 tablets at one shot without sleeping a wink the whole night, let alone kena A&E and pumping.
Feel absolutely lousy about myself. Never can predict my mood. Talk about getting up from the wrong side of the bed. Try that everyday. You'll know what I mean.
At the moment blood and pain excite me. I'd love to get hold of a cutter and slash my arm. Not that I've never done it before. 2 years ago I 'carved' myself a 'bracelet' arond my left wrist, but was careful enough not to get it too deep into the artery. Last year I 'engraved' a smiley on my left inner arm, fairly deep but somehow it didn't get infected. Last Friday afternon I slashed my left inner wrist, but not deep enough, not shiok. So slash one more time, this time damn shiok man. But now almost completely healed already leh, what else shall I do??? Blindfold myself and cross the road? Sometimes pain excites me to the extend that I whip myself on the back with a cane until the flesh becomes raw. Of course no one at home knows about this, I make sure the kids are asleep and Adrian in KL or working late. Running out of idea ofinducing pain on myself.
Bet none of you can understand how I feel, not even Natalie. Big deal if we both have the same psychotic disorder. Even identical twins have different characters and fingerprints. But I know you'll all be praying for me. You're my sisters in Christ, not those fickle-minded pagens out there in the secular world.
Thanks for hearing my horror story. Sorry if I cause any of you sleepless nights and nightmares.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
YOu will be Blessed when you Obey
Do not merely listen to the word, and so decieve yourselves. Do what it says.....He will be blessed in what he does. JAMES 1:22-25
There is a promise here. If you obey ( do what the Word says(, you will be blessed.
"OBedience" and "blessed" --- concepts united in a spiritual matrimony by James.
Why do we find so many other important things to do? Why does the study of God's word play second fiddle to other less significant deeds?
We can't minimizing this most important and soul-saving exercise...
A decision that obedience is the only way
Those who walk with him and enjoy his blessings will always be those who honor him and revere him and obey him.
A decision to obey "Even Though"
Our confidence in God's promise must be so great and our conviction about obedience so deep that we will obey" even though" we don't understand and "even though" it does not make sense.
Great examples: Noah, Abraham, etc..
What is my conviction about having daily time in God's word?
What does your consistency or lack of it say about my conviction?
Do I think God can bless me without this?
Let s commit to spending time in God's word every day. Let us make the decision to obey God's word, and to be obedient, even when we do not fully understand God's reasons.
And let us not forget the God who gives even as we enjoy his blessings!
Luv,
Veron
There is a promise here. If you obey ( do what the Word says(, you will be blessed.
"OBedience" and "blessed" --- concepts united in a spiritual matrimony by James.
Why do we find so many other important things to do? Why does the study of God's word play second fiddle to other less significant deeds?
We can't minimizing this most important and soul-saving exercise...
A decision that obedience is the only way
Those who walk with him and enjoy his blessings will always be those who honor him and revere him and obey him.
A decision to obey "Even Though"
Our confidence in God's promise must be so great and our conviction about obedience so deep that we will obey" even though" we don't understand and "even though" it does not make sense.
Great examples: Noah, Abraham, etc..
What is my conviction about having daily time in God's word?
What does your consistency or lack of it say about my conviction?
Do I think God can bless me without this?
Let s commit to spending time in God's word every day. Let us make the decision to obey God's word, and to be obedient, even when we do not fully understand God's reasons.
And let us not forget the God who gives even as we enjoy his blessings!
Luv,
Veron
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
2 Peter 1:16-21 (New International Version)
16We did not follow cleverly invented stories when we told you about the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. 17For he received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."[a] 18We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain.
19And we have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. 20Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet's own interpretation. 21For prophecy never had its origin in the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.
Dear Sisters,
Recently have you been receiving emails with subject on Zodiac 2009, or perhap your colleagues pass you a copy of magazine on Feng Shui ? or how about when you turn on the tv and you hear someone on other end talks about chinese astrological animal, what 2009 has instore for your sign?? I have...and read them too though i have reminded myself to ignore and ignore. I felt so guilty after that. I stumble upon this verse today...2 Peter 1:16-21 God reminded all of me that in the world full of speculation, only His Word is certain. God is never wrong. He has a plan for all of us, plan to prosperous us and not to harm us..Jeremiah 29:11...my favourite verse. I know i need to pay more attention to the Bible and stay away from the world's delight. Please pray for me to be strong and not easily wavered.
Love, Just.
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Monday, February 2, 2009
Weariness
Been feeling weary for awhile. Just find it so difficult to teach my own kids even though I handle the most mischievous and hyperactive kid under my thumb. Sisters, can someone please tell me why God makes it much more difficult to parent your own kids than to teach other people's kids? I feel like I'm not qualified to be a tutor considering the way I handle my kids, yet people never stop calling me for new assignments. Why?????
Hope in the Lord
Dear sisters,
Don't know why. I feel very happy today. The day at work is terrible though. 2 colleagues whom I used to be so close to turn their back on me. It had been so for the last few months, and more evident these days. I felt very hurt as I sense they do not even want to talk to me these days. You can look at them but they do not smile at you.
During times when I tried to initiatiate talks, I would be very happy when they respond. However, it seemed like another stab in your chest when the very next moment... they walked away for lunch without asking you... when they whispered by themselves in front of you ...they left the office without acknowledging... when they don't treat you as a friend anymore. Sisters, have you ever felt the same hurt?
Recently, John preached that King Josiah died younger than his evil grandad , King Manasseh, at 39 years old. So, what do you think? Is that fair or unfair? Yet God did that because he wanted to "spare Josiah's eyes from seeing the disaster of his people ~2Chron 34:23" since Josiah is a humble man of God.
Today I realised 1 thing. Whenever I am with these 2 colleagues of mine, I sinned more, gossipped more, tried to look good more... Truly, now that they disliked me, God is protecting me. Because deep down in my heart I know God does not want me to be yoked with them so much. Many times when I am with them, I caught myself sinning and feeling so guilty afterward.
Anyway, what a revelation! As I typed, my colleague has literally treated me unseen, though we are in the same room. Yet, I feel happier today.
This morning, I felt hurt but I saw an eagle soaring in the sky. Just a short while ago, I saw 2 eagles. What a sight!
" Those who hope in the Lord will soar with wings like eagles...."
What immense love and a great promise.
Hope you all have a great day today as we pray for the coming workshop!
Thank God also for you all who kept me happy cos though I am away from you, my encouragment is from this online fellowship.
Love,sk
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