Dearest Sisters,
Should I display any anti-social behaviours when you see me tomorrow, please understand that I am going through the abyss of my Bipolar Disorder, which typically occurs every 2.5 years. Right now I'm terrified of meeting people, strangers and familiar faces alike, I fear noise especially when waiting to pick up the kids, and all I want to do is to live in my own world. I know this is not the right thing to do, but let me take a step at a time, ie. get used to one person at a time again. Don't worry, I'm not fighting the battle alone, I have Pauline, Natalie, Lay Choo, my husband and most important of all, God. I'll make it, just give me some time.
Rest asuured I still love you.
Love,
Carol
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
God's covenant
Reached home yesterday, came out of the car and saw a huge rainbow. So touched and inspired as rainbow always reminds me of the covenant between God and Man.
I had the urge to capture the rainbow down, alas no camera with me.
I had the urge to rush to Mom-in-law's place to get the kids to see the rainbow, yet so fearful that by the time I reached there, it will be too late. (It was too late indeed.)
Since the kids missed seeing it, I guessed God only wanted to show me. And I wondered how many pp look up and appreciate the rainbow, appreciate God's grace to us.
This morning, wake up and can't help smiling as I remembered the rainbow.
Received a mail when I reached office. See what my colleague sent me as below. It was the very rainbow. God had it captured for me and for you ;)
Enjoy. Be inspired!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Bedwetting
Whoa, never knew incontinence in children is so high in the world. It could go as high as 12% for 7-year-olds in developed countries and this figure could go much higher as parents think that it is embarrassing and a taboo to talk about such things! Treatment of children's continence actually start at 5 years old and I've deprived my poor boy of 2 years! How ignorant I can be!
It's interesting to see how cooperative and eager to work with the rehab technician. He's really eager to get out of his diapers and be a real big boy. And he can't wait to do it. I have a strong hunch that the behavioural problems he has been putting up since beginning of the term is due to his sense of insecurity without his domineering sister by his side. For Natalie, conversely, she's never coped as well as this year so far, now that her greatest competitor is out of the way in another class. How interesting.
O Lord, by grace You gave us this pair of twins to raise in a way pleasing to you, by obedience we will do our best to raise them the way you want us to. Parenting is no simple task, especially we are not natually made parents. But I'm sure along the way, You will guide us and send us guardian angels to help us so that we may do a befitting job. Lord, let us not disappoint you and do you proud.
Amen.
It's interesting to see how cooperative and eager to work with the rehab technician. He's really eager to get out of his diapers and be a real big boy. And he can't wait to do it. I have a strong hunch that the behavioural problems he has been putting up since beginning of the term is due to his sense of insecurity without his domineering sister by his side. For Natalie, conversely, she's never coped as well as this year so far, now that her greatest competitor is out of the way in another class. How interesting.
O Lord, by grace You gave us this pair of twins to raise in a way pleasing to you, by obedience we will do our best to raise them the way you want us to. Parenting is no simple task, especially we are not natually made parents. But I'm sure along the way, You will guide us and send us guardian angels to help us so that we may do a befitting job. Lord, let us not disappoint you and do you proud.
Amen.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Taking care of children
Did you know Nathanial is still in his diapers in the night? We've tried ways and means to train him but no natter what time we wake him up, he'll surely wet himself before hitting the toilet. I didn't realise this could be a problem requiring physiotherapy treatment. True enough, as soon as I told the polyclinic doctor, he told me there's nothing he can do but send Nathanial to KKH to the 'Bedwetting Unit'. Wow, how could I be so misinformed?!!
Nathanial has seen the KKH doctor once already, passing all preliminary tests. Tomorrow he will visit the physiotherapist to fix a equipment on him, a form of alarm linked to a pad or diaper or something like that and will immediately buzz once it detects the slightest bit of urine. Fingers crossed this works, if not he'll have to be put on medication.
Sometimes I do see myself as a 'little god', with 2 children to attend to. And that is nightmarish enough. 1 is always seeing specialists for GPs can't cure him, another probably sang too much "London Bridge is Falling Down", she hasn't stopped faling down and hurting herself since stepping into P1. O Lord, what a task you must have working 24x7 watching over everyone of us! How almighty and powerful you must be! 2 kids are enough to kill me, but you have to watch over all of us. And never show favouritism too, so long we obey Your commands. It is times like these that I realise what a big bear hug from You, like I've never grown up before.
O Lord, please let Nathanial's appointment at the psysiotherapist go smoothly tomorrow and let him be cooperative. He is already feeling inferior to the sister, and I hope to erase 1 inferior factor away from him before working on others.
In Jesus' most precious name, Amen.
Nathanial has seen the KKH doctor once already, passing all preliminary tests. Tomorrow he will visit the physiotherapist to fix a equipment on him, a form of alarm linked to a pad or diaper or something like that and will immediately buzz once it detects the slightest bit of urine. Fingers crossed this works, if not he'll have to be put on medication.
Sometimes I do see myself as a 'little god', with 2 children to attend to. And that is nightmarish enough. 1 is always seeing specialists for GPs can't cure him, another probably sang too much "London Bridge is Falling Down", she hasn't stopped faling down and hurting herself since stepping into P1. O Lord, what a task you must have working 24x7 watching over everyone of us! How almighty and powerful you must be! 2 kids are enough to kill me, but you have to watch over all of us. And never show favouritism too, so long we obey Your commands. It is times like these that I realise what a big bear hug from You, like I've never grown up before.
O Lord, please let Nathanial's appointment at the psysiotherapist go smoothly tomorrow and let him be cooperative. He is already feeling inferior to the sister, and I hope to erase 1 inferior factor away from him before working on others.
In Jesus' most precious name, Amen.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Redeemer Saviour Friend
Dear sisters, enjoy this.
I know You had me on Your mind
When You climbed up on that hill
For You saw me with eternal eyes
While I was yet in sin
Redeemer Savior Friend
Every stripe upon Your battered back
Every thorn that pierced Your brow
Every nail drove deep through guiltless hands
Said that Your love knows no end
Redeemer Savior Friend
Redeemer redeem my heart again
Savior come and shelter me from sin
You're familiar with my weakness
Devoted to the end
Redeemer Savior Friend
So the grace You poured upon my life
Will return to You in praise
I'll gladly lay down all my crowns
For the name of which I am saved
Redeemer Savior Friend
I know You had me on Your mind
When You climbed up on that hill
For You saw me with eternal eyes
While I was yet in sin
Redeemer Savior Friend
Every stripe upon Your battered back
Every thorn that pierced Your brow
Every nail drove deep through guiltless hands
Said that Your love knows no end
Redeemer Savior Friend
Redeemer redeem my heart again
Savior come and shelter me from sin
You're familiar with my weakness
Devoted to the end
Redeemer Savior Friend
So the grace You poured upon my life
Will return to You in praise
I'll gladly lay down all my crowns
For the name of which I am saved
Redeemer Savior Friend
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Dear sisters,
Does your children ask you questions about God ? eg where is God and how come we cant see him? about the Bible, really from God?
Jeremy has many questions. The recent one is "does God make sure that everyone has the chance to read the bible since bible will be use to judge whether or not you are going heaven or hell?" He asked because one of good friend in school has not been to a church nor read the bible.
Some questions aik kee & i can answer, some not. I found this website for children who has bible questions. http://www.gqkidz.org/index.html
Love, Just.
This email is sent for the sole intention of the identified addressee and its contents are provided for information purpose only. Fortis Bank S.A./N.V. (Fortis) and / or its related companies make no warranties or representations as to the accuracy and completeness of any information and does not assume any commitment whatsoever. Legally binding obligations can only arise, or be entered into on behalf of the entity concerned by means of a written instrument, signed by its authorised representatives. Fortis and / or its related companies excludes any liability whatsoever for any direct or consequential loss or damages arising from the use of, reliance on the e-mail or its contents.
Missing
As my sister mentioned in the ShoutBox, today is my Mum's 72nd birthday.
I was telling my son Ee Yeung about it this morning, and he asked me who will blow the candles since Ah Mah is not here. I think he thinks every birthday must be accompanied by a celebration and a birthday cake heheh. I told him exactly what Pauline said: God is celebrating with her in Heaven. She will have a big and awesome birthday cake :).
I guess there will be lots of celebration going on in Heaven. Sometimes I think of Heaven as a wonderful overseas holiday with family and friends.. a holiday that never ends.
I miss my Mum a lot. I am sure many of the sisters here have experienced such missing before. Missing so deep that it somethings makes the heart ache. But again, as Christians, we have hope of seeing our loved ones again. Sometimes I imagine that they have gone for a holiday overseas, to a place far away, on a different time zone such that we are not able to call by phone whenever we want.. but they are there. And come to think of it, isn't that true?
Ting
I was telling my son Ee Yeung about it this morning, and he asked me who will blow the candles since Ah Mah is not here. I think he thinks every birthday must be accompanied by a celebration and a birthday cake heheh. I told him exactly what Pauline said: God is celebrating with her in Heaven. She will have a big and awesome birthday cake :).
I guess there will be lots of celebration going on in Heaven. Sometimes I think of Heaven as a wonderful overseas holiday with family and friends.. a holiday that never ends.
I miss my Mum a lot. I am sure many of the sisters here have experienced such missing before. Missing so deep that it somethings makes the heart ache. But again, as Christians, we have hope of seeing our loved ones again. Sometimes I imagine that they have gone for a holiday overseas, to a place far away, on a different time zone such that we are not able to call by phone whenever we want.. but they are there. And come to think of it, isn't that true?
Ting
Higher Ground: Another version
Here is another one. See if you like it;) sk
I’m pressing on the upward way,New heights I’m gaining every day
Still praying as I’m onward bound
“Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.”
Refrain:
Lord, lift me up and let me stand
By faith, on Heaven’s tableland
A higher plane than I have found
Lord, plant my feet on higher ground
My heart has no desire to stay
Where doubts arise and fears dismay
Though some may dwell where those abound
My prayer, my aim, is higher ground
I want to live above the world
Though Satan’s darts at me are hurled
For faith has caught the joyful sound
The song of saints on higher ground
I want to scale the utmost height
And catch a gleam of glory bright
But still I’ll pray till heav’n I’ve found
“Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.”
I’m pressing on the upward way,New heights I’m gaining every day
Still praying as I’m onward bound
“Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.”
Refrain:
Lord, lift me up and let me stand
By faith, on Heaven’s tableland
A higher plane than I have found
Lord, plant my feet on higher ground
My heart has no desire to stay
Where doubts arise and fears dismay
Though some may dwell where those abound
My prayer, my aim, is higher ground
I want to live above the world
Though Satan’s darts at me are hurled
For faith has caught the joyful sound
The song of saints on higher ground
I want to scale the utmost height
And catch a gleam of glory bright
But still I’ll pray till heav’n I’ve found
“Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.”
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Am I Prepared to Go When God Thinks It's Time?
Been ages since we last celebrated Valentine's Day. With an agreement to keep kids out of the conversation, we had a heart-to-heart talk like we never had for a long long time. Phones off, disturbances of technology out of the way, it wasn't until 2 hours later that I received news from a sister that her marriage was on the rocks. If not for the Fireproof Marriage Workshop, I don't know how their marriage will become. At least right now her hubby knows what to do,and thank God it's only at the infatuation part.
With this good news, we happily went shopping for tomorrow evening's Korean-style BBQ to celebrate the kids' birthday coming Thursday as well as Nathanial's full marks in Hanyu Pinyin for a class test. And I was seriously expecting him to fail. Came home, disturbed John and Karen's twosome time to give them the good news of whatgood they have done, then realised Veron's blog about Verdelle's friend's mum. This brings me back to a conversation I had with Adrian and a dream I had when I was very down, when God told me to finish off my work and He's taking me to His kingdom.
Lord, I don't know how I fare in Your eyes, I don't know how You'll judge me on Judgement Day, but Lord, I'm really not ready to go. Not for 10 years. Perhaps not even for 20. I want to see my kids grow, se Anh go NS, see Lyn's 1st boyfriend, see thm get married, see my grandkids, perhaps even babysit them. But God, should You think it's time I go and I fail to wake up tomorrow morning, what will I say to You in Your presence? Will I be grateful? Or will I beg You to let me return to the earthly world through a miracle? Or will I hurl abuses at You for cutting my life so short and depriving me so much of what other people normally have? O Lord, what will I do?
With this good news, we happily went shopping for tomorrow evening's Korean-style BBQ to celebrate the kids' birthday coming Thursday as well as Nathanial's full marks in Hanyu Pinyin for a class test. And I was seriously expecting him to fail. Came home, disturbed John and Karen's twosome time to give them the good news of whatgood they have done, then realised Veron's blog about Verdelle's friend's mum. This brings me back to a conversation I had with Adrian and a dream I had when I was very down, when God told me to finish off my work and He's taking me to His kingdom.
Lord, I don't know how I fare in Your eyes, I don't know how You'll judge me on Judgement Day, but Lord, I'm really not ready to go. Not for 10 years. Perhaps not even for 20. I want to see my kids grow, se Anh go NS, see Lyn's 1st boyfriend, see thm get married, see my grandkids, perhaps even babysit them. But God, should You think it's time I go and I fail to wake up tomorrow morning, what will I say to You in Your presence? Will I be grateful? Or will I beg You to let me return to the earthly world through a miracle? Or will I hurl abuses at You for cutting my life so short and depriving me so much of what other people normally have? O Lord, what will I do?
Unpredictable
Verdelle's ballet classmate's mummy had just passed away. Friday the 13th. 14th is the wake.
She looked v young , I didn't know her age until today... 47 years old.
Doc couldn't find the reasons of her death. TIll now is still a question for her family.
She is very healthy, very motivated individual. No history of any health problems. Very health conscious. Drink "v ex" water, eat organic food , juice and strict diet.
She suddenly vomitted during her Tuesday lunch , fainted and were sent to the hospital immediately. 3 days later gone....
I just invited her for workshop...
No chance to say goodbye to her husband, 2 sons and a daughter..
Everyone is still in shocked.
LIfe is really so unpredictable, so uncertain...
I must treasure what I have, the people around me... and love them while I'm still around...
God will takes us anytime... I pray I will not regret anything before it's too late...
She looked v young , I didn't know her age until today... 47 years old.
Doc couldn't find the reasons of her death. TIll now is still a question for her family.
She is very healthy, very motivated individual. No history of any health problems. Very health conscious. Drink "v ex" water, eat organic food , juice and strict diet.
She suddenly vomitted during her Tuesday lunch , fainted and were sent to the hospital immediately. 3 days later gone....
I just invited her for workshop...
No chance to say goodbye to her husband, 2 sons and a daughter..
Everyone is still in shocked.
LIfe is really so unpredictable, so uncertain...
I must treasure what I have, the people around me... and love them while I'm still around...
God will takes us anytime... I pray I will not regret anything before it's too late...
Friday, February 13, 2009
Nin lao bu eh instinct or kiasuism?
Since school started in January,I've caught Nathanial lying about losing money 3 times. First time I trusted him. 2nd time I was doubtful. 3rd time where got possible. Whats more he so stupid buy sweets for his sis and demanded to be reciprocated, and the S11-faced gal came crying to me and the whole story was out. Form teacher and MT teacher insisted he was a perfect student in class, but I insisted he was displaying signs of not adapting well. Only when he stole somebody's 20-cents worth of FISH FOOD when he had more than $1 on him that they realised something was indeed wrong.
Just saw the form teacher and counselor. Still tell me my boy perfect, ideal student. Why then is he such a monster at home?? Tore up his compo paper and refused to do his homework? Praise the Lord for something called a All-in-One, otherwise really dunno submit assignment.
Looks like his expectations of himself is far too high, way above his sister's as we have been focussing on her so far. Now that they have been split to 2 classes, alamak, it's my son who cannot cope!!!!! Call it mothers instinct or kiasuism, I knew he was not right the very first week liao. Pray for him pls. And oh yeah, Adrian sick until almost go A&E, pray for him also hor. Terima kasih ah!
Just saw the form teacher and counselor. Still tell me my boy perfect, ideal student. Why then is he such a monster at home?? Tore up his compo paper and refused to do his homework? Praise the Lord for something called a All-in-One, otherwise really dunno submit assignment.
Looks like his expectations of himself is far too high, way above his sister's as we have been focussing on her so far. Now that they have been split to 2 classes, alamak, it's my son who cannot cope!!!!! Call it mothers instinct or kiasuism, I knew he was not right the very first week liao. Pray for him pls. And oh yeah, Adrian sick until almost go A&E, pray for him also hor. Terima kasih ah!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Fireproofing our marriages
Feel like there are still so many fire escapes left blocked up in case of fire. I hate to say this, but I get the feeling that our marriage are heading towards fire hazards. Don't misunderstand me, we have been doing pretty well even before we became disciples, discipleship only improved our relationship further. Yet with my psychotic condition, I don't know where that'll lead us and our family.
Had my medical review last Friday, doc gave me a whole new cocktail of medicines. Yeah, for those of you unfamiliar with psychosis, we talk about our medicines as 'cocktails'. Simply because we have to get the right portion mixed together to make it work, and not everytime it works. Like this time, didn't change cocktail what, ended up still on the roller coaster, doc had to give me new medicines to 'try' and give it 3 WEEKS for it to take effect. Either he is joking or he thinks I'm a guinae pig...
With a condition like that, where to find energy to fireproof my marriage? I'm a walking zombie when I'm awake, a light, violent sleeper when asleep. The only people who dare to sleep next to me are my Snoopies and teddy bears. How to fireproof the marriage then?? Fortunately Adrian understands how I feel, but I can't take this as an excuse not to fulfill my duty as a wife. I just find it so irksome when he tries to get intimate with me. I know he has his needs and I have mine too, but I really don't know what to do. And the constant need to be on hormones to control my endometriosis really makes me feel robbed of my womanhood, the right to have children the natural way. God, make me feel woman again so that I may serve my husband please. In Your Son's most precious name, Amen.
Had my medical review last Friday, doc gave me a whole new cocktail of medicines. Yeah, for those of you unfamiliar with psychosis, we talk about our medicines as 'cocktails'. Simply because we have to get the right portion mixed together to make it work, and not everytime it works. Like this time, didn't change cocktail what, ended up still on the roller coaster, doc had to give me new medicines to 'try' and give it 3 WEEKS for it to take effect. Either he is joking or he thinks I'm a guinae pig...
With a condition like that, where to find energy to fireproof my marriage? I'm a walking zombie when I'm awake, a light, violent sleeper when asleep. The only people who dare to sleep next to me are my Snoopies and teddy bears. How to fireproof the marriage then?? Fortunately Adrian understands how I feel, but I can't take this as an excuse not to fulfill my duty as a wife. I just find it so irksome when he tries to get intimate with me. I know he has his needs and I have mine too, but I really don't know what to do. And the constant need to be on hormones to control my endometriosis really makes me feel robbed of my womanhood, the right to have children the natural way. God, make me feel woman again so that I may serve my husband please. In Your Son's most precious name, Amen.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Fireproof your marriage with love connections and Vulnerability
Ok sisters... I am going to try blogging... first try... :)
I have been looking forward to this weekend where we get to focus on our marriage :)
many of you would think Dennis and I have a great marriage...Yes we do :)
Is there disagreements... Yes there are... and I know there are areas to work on ...and I know I need to come and I want to come!
I really do believe that without God and without church and without bro/sis in our lives, our marriage will not be as great as it is now...
I am thankful and grateful..
One surprise for me... While in the feedback, we are asked to rate our first 3 most import needs in marriage... it does not surprise me that Dennis choosed different choices from me.... that John covered that Men need showing admiration, taking an interest and providing sexual fulfillment and looking attractive... while women need affection, honest and responsible! What surprised me was that while I was satisfied with him meeting my 3 most impt needs, he wasn't... Wake up call... Then I recalled john said Each side tend to rate the need of the other as being lower in their own ranking of whats important... I must confess I am sinful of this and I want to repent! For a start I would like to admire my husband more... He is a wonderful man that God bless me with ... Gradually this should help the other 2 areas..
Amen :)
Pauline
I have been looking forward to this weekend where we get to focus on our marriage :)
many of you would think Dennis and I have a great marriage...Yes we do :)
Is there disagreements... Yes there are... and I know there are areas to work on ...and I know I need to come and I want to come!
I really do believe that without God and without church and without bro/sis in our lives, our marriage will not be as great as it is now...
I am thankful and grateful..
One surprise for me... While in the feedback, we are asked to rate our first 3 most import needs in marriage... it does not surprise me that Dennis choosed different choices from me.... that John covered that Men need showing admiration, taking an interest and providing sexual fulfillment and looking attractive... while women need affection, honest and responsible! What surprised me was that while I was satisfied with him meeting my 3 most impt needs, he wasn't... Wake up call... Then I recalled john said Each side tend to rate the need of the other as being lower in their own ranking of whats important... I must confess I am sinful of this and I want to repent! For a start I would like to admire my husband more... He is a wonderful man that God bless me with ... Gradually this should help the other 2 areas..
Amen :)
Pauline
Friday, February 6, 2009
My Valentine's Gift
I actually hate Valentine's Day. When with my ex-husband, of course during dating we do celebate. But after stay with him become his wife, the next ten years, it just like normal day to me. No flower, no chocolate, no movie, no dinner, no gift, nothing at all. During dating in kingdom, of course my favourite brother (my husband) will celebrate together with me. But only one time. The second year is when we prepare our wedding plus it during Chinese New Year. After married to him, Sigh..... Our Valentine's day, Wedding Anniversay and birthday, he's not around with me. End up i still alone on those three important dates. Dont know why, when comes to those important date (in both Singapore and US), he either send out to oversea or on training.
Did you know my husband is my Valentine's gift from God? Yeah, now you know. I went steady with my husband on 10-February-2004 after midweek service at Singapore Power Building. After five months dating, and six months planing, we get ROM on 5-February-2005. One month later, we got married. We need ROM cert early to apply for paperwork, and also get free air tickets for our honeymoon from my husband's company as our wedding gift. God give me my boyfriend, and let him be my husband. How are all work out?? It all through prayer. My prayer sure works. What i pray for, will comes true. I just pray, trust and believe, God will answer my prayer. I had very strong faith and powerful in prayer. This is my second gifts "prayer" God give to me. My first gift is my "joy".
I still remember, during my heart broken divorced, i pray to God to give me a man. (Veron, you still remember those days?? Our morning prayer.) I list down all those requests that i want this man to have and be. Here's the list: 1) this man must be older than me (my mind cant change, i cant face to married a young husband), 2) must be mature and spiritual than me (i already had two boys, i really don't want to have another man that i have to teach him everything), 3) must have stable job and finance, (to be honest, i never want to be tai tai, i just don't want I'm the one support the family and worry months end need), 4) accept me who i am, 5) must accept my boys as his son (I heard lot of step-parent stories, it really scare me). 6) i want to get married before age 30 (lot of single sisters told me, it very hard to be happen. They pray the same thing, but still never comes true). Am i asked too much from God? I never think about it. I just want a man, not for me, but for my boys. I don't want my boys to grow up without a father. I also don't want them to be laugh and look down because they have no father. I want a man to loves them, care for them, protect them, and do all those man stuffs instead of follow me go shopping malls and sewing shops. I tell God, i don't need husband. Have husband and no husband, does not make any different for me. But to my boys, have a father or not, it big different.
This man come from no where, don't know why he interested in me. He asked me out for date few times, i turn him down. I just scare to hangout with him. The problem i had is my English. Most of you know, my English no really good. I have to talk to a man which their first language is English. Sigh.... Instead of ask me out, this time he asked for my sons. I never suspect what he want from my boys, since my two boys both below age 10. He asked for once, few weeks later asked again, another few weeks later asked my boys again. My boys not only go out with him, but also sleepover at his house. End up my boys really likes him. Every time they comes back, they have no ending stories to tells me what they do. To the point that my boys stay over on Friday night when his group had Bible Talk until Sunday morning he bring my boys to church and passed to me. When comes to Sunday after church for lunch, this three man (my two boys and him) cant wait to tell me what happen during the weekends. I actually feels very noise when three of them try to talks. But they just laugh when talking no stop. I really don't know what happen or so funny, they just get along.
Until Veron break the new to me. He really want to build relationship with me. Veron encourage me to try it out, if don't work out it fine. After two months dating, we nearly break off. He feels that i not really serious with this relationship. I don't care for him, don't open much to him, don't trust what he say (forgive me, i just cant trust man. I don't care in Kingdom or world, i just don't trust man). He told me, he really want this relationship to work, not just play around. So i honest to him, i don't need him. I looking a father for my boys, not a husband for me. If he cant accept it, just end this relationship here. Guess what? He told me, he really loves my boys. He don't mind to be father to my boys. He loves to have kids. That's how our relationship start allover again to know each other until the day we married.
Does God answer all my prayer? The answer is yes. Every single of them, nothing is missing. 1) my husband is 6 years older than me, 2) he not only mature and spiritual, but also serving and giving too, 3) he works in Government job, market is bad, he still have his job, he also can save money too 4) Of course, I'm the only woman in the family. Ha ha ha...., 5) even now i had a baby that belong to him. He still don't have favouritism. Every time he back from oversea, he will spent time with two older boys. They doing things (only three of them): watch movies, play Wii, watch westing, watch baseballs games in stadium (my husband don't like sports, but my boys do), and some outdoor stuffs that i and my baby are not allow to go 6) i get married at age 28.
But still i spent my important dates without him. Until recent, i think back. God actually is my Valentine. I asked for a father for my boys, but not a husband. Of course those important dates, my husband is not around. God actually waiting for me to celebrate those important dates with Him. Without God give to me, my boys still have no father. This coming Valentine's Day, i should give back to God. God already give me a wonderful and special gift. This year, I'm going to prepare a wonderful dinner (bake salmon fish) and great dessert (Love-shape cheesecake) to have with my spiritual husband (God) on dinner table. God is really my true husband. Only He there for me 24/7 and know everything better than myself, my parent, my friends. Looking forward to the day comes. Father, I Loves You SO.... Much.
Love you
Diana
Did you know my husband is my Valentine's gift from God? Yeah, now you know. I went steady with my husband on 10-February-2004 after midweek service at Singapore Power Building. After five months dating, and six months planing, we get ROM on 5-February-2005. One month later, we got married. We need ROM cert early to apply for paperwork, and also get free air tickets for our honeymoon from my husband's company as our wedding gift. God give me my boyfriend, and let him be my husband. How are all work out?? It all through prayer. My prayer sure works. What i pray for, will comes true. I just pray, trust and believe, God will answer my prayer. I had very strong faith and powerful in prayer. This is my second gifts "prayer" God give to me. My first gift is my "joy".
I still remember, during my heart broken divorced, i pray to God to give me a man. (Veron, you still remember those days?? Our morning prayer.) I list down all those requests that i want this man to have and be. Here's the list: 1) this man must be older than me (my mind cant change, i cant face to married a young husband), 2) must be mature and spiritual than me (i already had two boys, i really don't want to have another man that i have to teach him everything), 3) must have stable job and finance, (to be honest, i never want to be tai tai, i just don't want I'm the one support the family and worry months end need), 4) accept me who i am, 5) must accept my boys as his son (I heard lot of step-parent stories, it really scare me). 6) i want to get married before age 30 (lot of single sisters told me, it very hard to be happen. They pray the same thing, but still never comes true). Am i asked too much from God? I never think about it. I just want a man, not for me, but for my boys. I don't want my boys to grow up without a father. I also don't want them to be laugh and look down because they have no father. I want a man to loves them, care for them, protect them, and do all those man stuffs instead of follow me go shopping malls and sewing shops. I tell God, i don't need husband. Have husband and no husband, does not make any different for me. But to my boys, have a father or not, it big different.
This man come from no where, don't know why he interested in me. He asked me out for date few times, i turn him down. I just scare to hangout with him. The problem i had is my English. Most of you know, my English no really good. I have to talk to a man which their first language is English. Sigh.... Instead of ask me out, this time he asked for my sons. I never suspect what he want from my boys, since my two boys both below age 10. He asked for once, few weeks later asked again, another few weeks later asked my boys again. My boys not only go out with him, but also sleepover at his house. End up my boys really likes him. Every time they comes back, they have no ending stories to tells me what they do. To the point that my boys stay over on Friday night when his group had Bible Talk until Sunday morning he bring my boys to church and passed to me. When comes to Sunday after church for lunch, this three man (my two boys and him) cant wait to tell me what happen during the weekends. I actually feels very noise when three of them try to talks. But they just laugh when talking no stop. I really don't know what happen or so funny, they just get along.
Until Veron break the new to me. He really want to build relationship with me. Veron encourage me to try it out, if don't work out it fine. After two months dating, we nearly break off. He feels that i not really serious with this relationship. I don't care for him, don't open much to him, don't trust what he say (forgive me, i just cant trust man. I don't care in Kingdom or world, i just don't trust man). He told me, he really want this relationship to work, not just play around. So i honest to him, i don't need him. I looking a father for my boys, not a husband for me. If he cant accept it, just end this relationship here. Guess what? He told me, he really loves my boys. He don't mind to be father to my boys. He loves to have kids. That's how our relationship start allover again to know each other until the day we married.
Does God answer all my prayer? The answer is yes. Every single of them, nothing is missing. 1) my husband is 6 years older than me, 2) he not only mature and spiritual, but also serving and giving too, 3) he works in Government job, market is bad, he still have his job, he also can save money too 4) Of course, I'm the only woman in the family. Ha ha ha...., 5) even now i had a baby that belong to him. He still don't have favouritism. Every time he back from oversea, he will spent time with two older boys. They doing things (only three of them): watch movies, play Wii, watch westing, watch baseballs games in stadium (my husband don't like sports, but my boys do), and some outdoor stuffs that i and my baby are not allow to go 6) i get married at age 28.
But still i spent my important dates without him. Until recent, i think back. God actually is my Valentine. I asked for a father for my boys, but not a husband. Of course those important dates, my husband is not around. God actually waiting for me to celebrate those important dates with Him. Without God give to me, my boys still have no father. This coming Valentine's Day, i should give back to God. God already give me a wonderful and special gift. This year, I'm going to prepare a wonderful dinner (bake salmon fish) and great dessert (Love-shape cheesecake) to have with my spiritual husband (God) on dinner table. God is really my true husband. Only He there for me 24/7 and know everything better than myself, my parent, my friends. Looking forward to the day comes. Father, I Loves You SO.... Much.
Love you
Diana
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Xian ah...
Feeling so mood. Been 3 years since the last severe attack. Will I go back to the extreme of committing suicide, or will the Holy Spirit protect me this time that I'm baptized, together with so many sisters' and brothers' prayers? Praise the Lord the medical review is tomorrow, otherwise you bet I will go to the specialist clinic at CGH and demand to be seen immediately. Hahaha, now you my schema liao, entitlement. Actually I don't see why I should have it, it's the psychiatrist himself telling me that should I have any problems before my appointment, I should go banging at the door. Not literally of course lah.
I hate this illness. When I'm up I'm like crazy and can't think of anything but eat and spend money. But when I'm down, I go to the extreme of self-mutilation and suicidal thoughts, even attempts. Remember pauline telling me lately that she loves the flu tablet Piriton, 1 tablet makes you sleep through the night and you feel shiok the next day. Ha, big deal. My record is 37 tablets at one shot without sleeping a wink the whole night, let alone kena A&E and pumping.
Feel absolutely lousy about myself. Never can predict my mood. Talk about getting up from the wrong side of the bed. Try that everyday. You'll know what I mean.
At the moment blood and pain excite me. I'd love to get hold of a cutter and slash my arm. Not that I've never done it before. 2 years ago I 'carved' myself a 'bracelet' arond my left wrist, but was careful enough not to get it too deep into the artery. Last year I 'engraved' a smiley on my left inner arm, fairly deep but somehow it didn't get infected. Last Friday afternon I slashed my left inner wrist, but not deep enough, not shiok. So slash one more time, this time damn shiok man. But now almost completely healed already leh, what else shall I do??? Blindfold myself and cross the road? Sometimes pain excites me to the extend that I whip myself on the back with a cane until the flesh becomes raw. Of course no one at home knows about this, I make sure the kids are asleep and Adrian in KL or working late. Running out of idea ofinducing pain on myself.
Bet none of you can understand how I feel, not even Natalie. Big deal if we both have the same psychotic disorder. Even identical twins have different characters and fingerprints. But I know you'll all be praying for me. You're my sisters in Christ, not those fickle-minded pagens out there in the secular world.
Thanks for hearing my horror story. Sorry if I cause any of you sleepless nights and nightmares.
I hate this illness. When I'm up I'm like crazy and can't think of anything but eat and spend money. But when I'm down, I go to the extreme of self-mutilation and suicidal thoughts, even attempts. Remember pauline telling me lately that she loves the flu tablet Piriton, 1 tablet makes you sleep through the night and you feel shiok the next day. Ha, big deal. My record is 37 tablets at one shot without sleeping a wink the whole night, let alone kena A&E and pumping.
Feel absolutely lousy about myself. Never can predict my mood. Talk about getting up from the wrong side of the bed. Try that everyday. You'll know what I mean.
At the moment blood and pain excite me. I'd love to get hold of a cutter and slash my arm. Not that I've never done it before. 2 years ago I 'carved' myself a 'bracelet' arond my left wrist, but was careful enough not to get it too deep into the artery. Last year I 'engraved' a smiley on my left inner arm, fairly deep but somehow it didn't get infected. Last Friday afternon I slashed my left inner wrist, but not deep enough, not shiok. So slash one more time, this time damn shiok man. But now almost completely healed already leh, what else shall I do??? Blindfold myself and cross the road? Sometimes pain excites me to the extend that I whip myself on the back with a cane until the flesh becomes raw. Of course no one at home knows about this, I make sure the kids are asleep and Adrian in KL or working late. Running out of idea ofinducing pain on myself.
Bet none of you can understand how I feel, not even Natalie. Big deal if we both have the same psychotic disorder. Even identical twins have different characters and fingerprints. But I know you'll all be praying for me. You're my sisters in Christ, not those fickle-minded pagens out there in the secular world.
Thanks for hearing my horror story. Sorry if I cause any of you sleepless nights and nightmares.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
YOu will be Blessed when you Obey
Do not merely listen to the word, and so decieve yourselves. Do what it says.....He will be blessed in what he does. JAMES 1:22-25
There is a promise here. If you obey ( do what the Word says(, you will be blessed.
"OBedience" and "blessed" --- concepts united in a spiritual matrimony by James.
Why do we find so many other important things to do? Why does the study of God's word play second fiddle to other less significant deeds?
We can't minimizing this most important and soul-saving exercise...
A decision that obedience is the only way
Those who walk with him and enjoy his blessings will always be those who honor him and revere him and obey him.
A decision to obey "Even Though"
Our confidence in God's promise must be so great and our conviction about obedience so deep that we will obey" even though" we don't understand and "even though" it does not make sense.
Great examples: Noah, Abraham, etc..
What is my conviction about having daily time in God's word?
What does your consistency or lack of it say about my conviction?
Do I think God can bless me without this?
Let s commit to spending time in God's word every day. Let us make the decision to obey God's word, and to be obedient, even when we do not fully understand God's reasons.
And let us not forget the God who gives even as we enjoy his blessings!
Luv,
Veron
There is a promise here. If you obey ( do what the Word says(, you will be blessed.
"OBedience" and "blessed" --- concepts united in a spiritual matrimony by James.
Why do we find so many other important things to do? Why does the study of God's word play second fiddle to other less significant deeds?
We can't minimizing this most important and soul-saving exercise...
A decision that obedience is the only way
Those who walk with him and enjoy his blessings will always be those who honor him and revere him and obey him.
A decision to obey "Even Though"
Our confidence in God's promise must be so great and our conviction about obedience so deep that we will obey" even though" we don't understand and "even though" it does not make sense.
Great examples: Noah, Abraham, etc..
What is my conviction about having daily time in God's word?
What does your consistency or lack of it say about my conviction?
Do I think God can bless me without this?
Let s commit to spending time in God's word every day. Let us make the decision to obey God's word, and to be obedient, even when we do not fully understand God's reasons.
And let us not forget the God who gives even as we enjoy his blessings!
Luv,
Veron
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
2 Peter 1:16-21 (New International Version)
16We did not follow cleverly invented stories when we told you about the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. 17For he received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."[a] 18We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain.
19And we have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. 20Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet's own interpretation. 21For prophecy never had its origin in the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.
Dear Sisters,
Recently have you been receiving emails with subject on Zodiac 2009, or perhap your colleagues pass you a copy of magazine on Feng Shui ? or how about when you turn on the tv and you hear someone on other end talks about chinese astrological animal, what 2009 has instore for your sign?? I have...and read them too though i have reminded myself to ignore and ignore. I felt so guilty after that. I stumble upon this verse today...2 Peter 1:16-21 God reminded all of me that in the world full of speculation, only His Word is certain. God is never wrong. He has a plan for all of us, plan to prosperous us and not to harm us..Jeremiah 29:11...my favourite verse. I know i need to pay more attention to the Bible and stay away from the world's delight. Please pray for me to be strong and not easily wavered.
Love, Just.
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Monday, February 2, 2009
Weariness
Been feeling weary for awhile. Just find it so difficult to teach my own kids even though I handle the most mischievous and hyperactive kid under my thumb. Sisters, can someone please tell me why God makes it much more difficult to parent your own kids than to teach other people's kids? I feel like I'm not qualified to be a tutor considering the way I handle my kids, yet people never stop calling me for new assignments. Why?????
Hope in the Lord
Dear sisters,
Don't know why. I feel very happy today. The day at work is terrible though. 2 colleagues whom I used to be so close to turn their back on me. It had been so for the last few months, and more evident these days. I felt very hurt as I sense they do not even want to talk to me these days. You can look at them but they do not smile at you.
During times when I tried to initiatiate talks, I would be very happy when they respond. However, it seemed like another stab in your chest when the very next moment... they walked away for lunch without asking you... when they whispered by themselves in front of you ...they left the office without acknowledging... when they don't treat you as a friend anymore. Sisters, have you ever felt the same hurt?
Recently, John preached that King Josiah died younger than his evil grandad , King Manasseh, at 39 years old. So, what do you think? Is that fair or unfair? Yet God did that because he wanted to "spare Josiah's eyes from seeing the disaster of his people ~2Chron 34:23" since Josiah is a humble man of God.
Today I realised 1 thing. Whenever I am with these 2 colleagues of mine, I sinned more, gossipped more, tried to look good more... Truly, now that they disliked me, God is protecting me. Because deep down in my heart I know God does not want me to be yoked with them so much. Many times when I am with them, I caught myself sinning and feeling so guilty afterward.
Anyway, what a revelation! As I typed, my colleague has literally treated me unseen, though we are in the same room. Yet, I feel happier today.
This morning, I felt hurt but I saw an eagle soaring in the sky. Just a short while ago, I saw 2 eagles. What a sight!
" Those who hope in the Lord will soar with wings like eagles...."
What immense love and a great promise.
Hope you all have a great day today as we pray for the coming workshop!
Thank God also for you all who kept me happy cos though I am away from you, my encouragment is from this online fellowship.
Love,sk
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