'Want' versus 'Need'

Have always had a distinct view about 'want' versus 'need'. Isn't that about pampered children 'wanting' things which they don't really 'need'? But I've got an absolutely new insight into this in the past couple of weeks.

I find it a real struggle to go to the year-end party. I've long outgrown parties since I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. No alcohol, party where got fun one. What's more a theme party. Isn't partying about tight jeans and sey tops and bartop dancing? Party at the church??? It wasn't half as bad last year as I'm a retro fan, I have to say I trully enjoyed myself last year though there were times when I just had to call it a time-out. But masquerade?? Not my cup of tea nor coffee I'm afraid.

Thanks to Veron and her advice, I finally see the need to be at the party despite my desire aka 'want'. 'Where the church gathers there is where I want to be.' What a great advice. Isn't that what being a disciple is all about? Veron, thanks for waking me up from my selfish 'wants' and realising what my 'needs' truly are.

With my psychiatric condition, I am discreetly reaching out to sisters in the church who suffer from similar problems. I've always seen myself as the most uncooperative patient, not taking my medicines at the right dosage but adjusting them daily according to what I think I 'need'. The truth is, I'll be slave to these medicines for life, and who would like that? What's more the side effects are a pain: edema, extreme thirst, weight gain, constant drowsiness to the extent of not being able to function properly the whole day. It wasn't until today that I realise among the sisters and friends with similar problems whom I reach out to feel the same way as I do, and all inevitably try to postpone the time to take medicine, thereby affecting their level of activity in the day. Some drag till a night dose gets taken in the morning so they sleep in the day and wake up at night, thereby affecting their family lives. Others have to enforce discipline upon themselves by using monthly injections to replace the daily oral medication. Looks like after all I'm more aware and in control of my 'want' versus 'need' after all, since I will force myself to take my time released medications at a fixed time on a daily basis, even if I do vary the dose. Besides, my varying the dosage has ben approved with the specialist's blessings.

This leads me to reflect upon how important it is to truly surrender to God. My spiritual growth really embarked 9 months after I was baptized, when I decided to surrender an issue bothering me for years to God and seek reconciliation with a sister. Today I have to say that without this sister who lives so near me, I would be at a loss whenever I'm feeling down and need someone to pray with or talk to. And my discipline over my medication between 'want' and 'need' is realy a reflection upon how I surrender my 'needs' to God and do what is right, regardless what the spoilt brat in me truly 'wants'.

'Want' and 'need'. Indeed an effective insight into one's personal and spiritual discipline.