Once again, I'm packing for Nathanial's bag for his bi-annual taekwondo holiday camp. A year ago when I first sent him to the camp, it was literally living hell. People telling me he's to young to go for such a physically intensive camp when he's not even 6, others telling me they just didn't understand why I was so hard-hearted and not at all worried. But behind this brave, couldn't-be-bothered facade, nobody knew the emotional upheavals I was going through except for Adrian and some closer sisters. Which mother will not be worried sick? But If the instructor thinks he's old enough, I should trust him. After all I do trust him once a week to train up my son. And one day, sooner or later, Nathanial has to learn to be independent. And I have to learn to let go. Let it be sooner then.
During the 3D2N camp, I was worried sick. What if he missed home and cried? What if he wasn't used to the food there? What if they didn't feed him enough (he has an appetite of a dinosaur)? Despite the camp being at Punggol End PA Campsite, I resisted the strong urge to go and take a peek at him, for fear that if we see each other, we wouldn't be able to let go. And I didn't want to be a pain and constantly call his instructor for an update. So while he spent 3D2N camping and training, I spent the same amount of time moaning and groaning and praying and missing him and yet having to act tough and spend time with Natalie.
When Nathanial came back from camp in one piece without any injuries or bruises, imagine how relieved I felt! As I talked to him and asked him about his camp, he actually 'confessed' to me that he was too busy enjoying himself to think of me and miss home! Didn't know to feel proud of him or to feel sad for myself...
It's that time of the year again. As I pack his clothes, that feeling of misery and drear is back all over again, despite knowing that he'll cope well in the camp after the past experience. As a matter of fact he is so excited that he hasn't been able to say anything the past few days except his camp and the barbercue that will take place on the 2nd evening. I guess as a parent and especially a mother, your child will always be that young little thing you're till nursing, no matter how old he has grown up to be. This also gives me a new insight into how our heavenly Father feels as He watches us stumble and fall in the world, how He would love to pamper us and protect us from all harm, yet how He desires that we should seek Him earnestly without 'forgetting to think of Him'. I pray for the emotional strength that I will need in the next few days of Nathanial's absence, that I may truly let go and surrender Nathanial to God's care, for Nathanial is after all God's child like me.
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2 comments:
Totally awesome, Sis.
As a mother, I totally understand what you mean. I remembered how my teary my eyes were when I dropped Jenna off Anderson Primary during her first day of school.
And now, I have struggles putting Joshua to a full day childcare. My husband wants it but I cannot bear to have him taking naps there even.
carol i remember u told me before. i can understand how u feel. N amen to that u related it to our dear heavenly father feels.
thank u for sharing. luv, veron
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