Prayers and Blessings

Really pleased to see my father-in-law's progress in his Bible study. More importantly the friendship he is building amongst the Golden Men, that he could let go of us on Sunday mornings and attend their gatherings and have coffee with them after Bible Study, which is after the Chinese Service, getting home at 5ish. He has even started attending midweek last Thursday, and this is happening far better than I had dared to hope for. I am really in awe of God's faithfulness, for all these would not have happened had it not been His will. Praise God!

Lately a lot has been happening to my immediate neighbours. First, a neighbour's Taiwanese wife got pregnant with the second baby and is having very bad morning sickness. Being alone in si8ngapore and her in-laws old and living far away, she was desperate for help to settle her 4yo son's meals. I offered to help since I cook every weekday lunch and dinner anyway. I guess this is a touching gesture to them for they are seriously considering coming to our church 'for the time being' instead of going to a church at Marine Parade where the Taiwanese mothers in the neighbourhood attend.

Another family with an elderly couple and their unmarried middle age daughter ran into some problems. The elderly man suddenly could not get down the bed one day from extreme pain in his leg, and he had to be sent to the hospital in an ambulance. The wife and daughter spent all day in the hospital, so I only get to enquire about his progress either early in the morning before they left or late at night when they are back. One Friday I was at the hospital to see my psychiatrist and decided to drop by and visit him. By chance I met his wife and daughter at the foodcourt. It was then that I discovered that Uncle Ang had been suffering from cancer for several years but he wasn't told about it. The whole family including another daughter and a son who have migrated to canada were all in a state of denial for years, but that day they had just been told by the doctor the cancer cells have spread and Uncle Ang had about 3 months to live. When I visited him at the ward, I gingerly asked if I could pray with him, fearing rejection as their family are Taoists and are not open even to attending church despite Uncle Ang's younger brother's constant invitation. To my pleasant surprise they were all agreeable. I prayed for his pain to subside, for him to be mobile again so that he may resume his normal routine of 5am brisk walking in the neighbourhood. His daughter Julie went to the toilet and cried, because to her, the prayers were impossible to be fulfilled. I continued to pray with Uncle Ang almost everyday when he was discharged on that Sunday, and I occasionally would cook dinner for him as he was on soft diet. I asked if he would like a pastor from our church to visit him and pray for him, but he turned down. Yet he continued to allow me to hold his hand and pray with him almost every evening when I visited him. And once again, God proved to be faithful, for yesterday Uncle ang actually got out of bed 4 times and walked around his living room, experiencing no pain at all! I took the opportunity to point out to him and his family that God has answered our prayers and let's continue to pray faithfully everyday. Please pray for me as I continue on my mission to reach out to Uncle Ang and his family that they will see God's faithfulness and agree to have a 'more powerful person' aka pastor to pray for him, thereby starting a Bible Study and completing it before it's too late.

I have a new neighbour who just moved in 1 week tomorrow. The man is a Singaporean Chinese and the wife is an Indonesian. They are Muslims. I am gathering the courage to invite them to this Friday's parenting workshop, and I am considering if it is too rude and abrupt to invite them to the Indonesian Bible Talk since I've known them for just a week. Pray for me for courage to approach them.

Well, these are the 3 families I have been trying to reach out recently, to love them unconditionally and develop a relationship with them so that I may help them to come to know Christ's unconditional sacrifice for them. Please pray for my mission, especially that with Uncle Ang as this comes with real urgency.

Amen.

Away from work

Dear sisters,

 

Recently, I have been thinking of children, on how they all deserve a safe place to live and enjoy their childhood, the way all children should. Last Sunday, my kids were amused by the dandelions growing outside church, with Jenna taking the lead. All 4 ended up plucking wild flowers and seeing them being carried away by the wind.

 

It dawned on me that that should be the way children are allowed to live, to be happy and enjoy God's creation; not to study the whole day long. Indeed, sisters, esp those with school-going kids, don't you agree with me that school work can be very stressful? After a long day at school, work does not end there. There will be never-ending homework at home and even if there isn't, there will always be the tests, the spelling to prepare. They get tired. Parents get even more tired. I do.

 

Yet, what a dilemma! If we do not ensure they do their work, we see the grades slip.

 

I can't help pondering on how the world should be for our children. We get caught up with work and we pass the same convictions to the kids. In many ways we are like the children. While the "education" in Singapore may wear the kids out, the adults may also have been worn out by the hectic routine of our daily lives (work, housework, finance, health, other worries,etc). Maybe that is why in the OT, God asked for Sabbath, for pp to remember Him to be stop thinking about work.

 

I must remember to set my own Sabbath to remember Him, away from work and worries.

Let's put all our work at the back of our minds and just remember Him.

 

love,sk

God and our Conscience

Dear sisters,

Hope everone is getting on fine. June is just round the corner. How fast this year has been. Personally for me, this year passes by like a train. There are so many things to handle and new responsibilities to take.

There are many times when I forget God. Yet He does not forget me. Through my daily routine, even, you find God whispering to me, urging me to pray, to beware of my insensitivity to others. Many times, I felt that my conscience is pricked when I do not do what I should do or when I do what I should not do.

But it is so good that God still pricks our conscience. So good He has not given up on us.
See you all tonight.

love,sk

Discontentment, my sin

The twins just got back their English and Maths SA1 results. I have always guessed that Natalie's Maths results would be pretty far below Nathanial's as she has no interest in Maths. Besides she was running a fever of 38.3 deg when she took her Maths paper, emerging from the exam hall less than 40min after the paper started.

Looking at their grades, I am pleased to say that Natalie scored 60/65 for English and topped her class, even though the mistakes she made were really silly. Nathanial did even better, with 61.5/65 for English and some really silly mistakes.

For Maths, Nathanial scored a whooping 96/100 which really pleased me, while Natalie just managed to scrape through a Band 1 at 85/100. To be absolutely honest, anything below 90% for P1 and P2 is unsatisfactory for me. How I used to cane my sister for scoring 79% for Chinese when she was in P1 all the way to P4! Imagine my joy when she managed to be caned into scoring an 85%, Band 1 so that she qualified for EM1 and taking Higher Chinese! Obviojusly the parenting lessons have taught us not to do that anymore, but I can't deny I am disappointed and discontented with the grades Natalie has scored for Maths. Yes, I may accept her for who she is, what she can and cannot achieve, but I can't deny I am disappointed. I have real huge confessions to make before God, I'm afraid.

Miss everything

Hi sisters,

 

I know i had been disappear for couples of months. I had very bad depression to deal with. It was so hard to fight that i really want to end my life. I ask God a lot time to take my life now. I hate it. I hate to be in this stage but i just cant control. I know some of you had keep e-mail me and write on my FaceBook wall. But i just never response it back.

 

Due to my husband not at home for 8 months (he still not back home yet), plus stay in a place that i struggles a lot in US. I really hate US, i don't seen any good side of it. I don't understand why people fight just want to be part of US citizen. People married to US man just want to stay in US. I really don't understand, why??? Lot of people question me why i married a US man? Was it because coming to US?? I seen like we Asia people have to stay in US for reason?? I tell most of them, i don't really like to stay in US. In the first place when i know i going to US, i been struggles a lot and i really don't want to go. I told my husband that i will stay in Singapore to wait for him, but he want the whole family to move with him. After been here for almost 3 years, i still fighting and struggles to like here. I hate myself here. I feels i not be use by God, i not using my talent to serve His people. I miss Singapore. I miss our church building, our powerful sermons, all my best friends in church, our hangout, our talks, and all those yummy food. I really struggles a lot, i miss everything. I feels i lost my laugh, my joy, my freedom, my spiritual, my everything. People just don't understand what i had been through. They want me to talk and i tell them, but they don't understand....... I really hate here.....

 

I had so bad depression that i donut allow people to come to my life. Since nobody understand me and they also cant help me. All they know how to say it " i know". They not in my shoes, they don't understand husband always gone for 70% in a year. I come from Asia that everything was so nearby and easy for me. Not like in US, everything was so far always and have to drive. I don't have driving license, all i do was stay at home all the time. What i want and need was order online. I hate here. I don't want to go church, i don't want any prayer or quite-time, i don't want to cook or do anything, i don't response e-mails and phone calls, i don't want anybody to talk to me or disturb me. All i want is be alone and leave me alone. I will cry for no reason. I really hate my life now.

 

Don't get me wrong. I been single mom before. My ex-husband always not at home too. To me it not big deal now. The different is i was busy with work, morning prayer with Veron, church special lessons, hangout with sisters all the time, my parent are helping me, i can go anywhere i want to shop or walk around, Christians stay nearby to each others. But in US, i been home most of the time. Except go church and grocery, i will be home most of the week. If i need to go somewhere, i have to arrange early of the week with my small group. I stay in Military housing, so not all people can come in. They have to go through all the check point. Anyway....... Sigh...... To be honest, i really want to end my married. I want to divorced so i can get reason to move back where i come from. Don't get me wrong, my husband did not do anything to me or my kids. Just that i cant take it anymore. I feels i like a watchdog watching the house for owner to come back.

 

My husband was so perfect. He allow me to spent as much money as i want without any question ask. He check on me most of the week to see how i feels. He always confess to me what he struggles and sins he fall in. But to me..... Big house with lot of money, i really not happy. I cry more than i laugh. I know lot of people are struggles for job and finance deal to the market now. My husband had stable job and stable income. I just not happy with it. I feels i fight along with no ones help or pull me. I really very tired and really feels life are meaningless..... I still can be a life until now is because of my boys. Now my husband not around and anything happen to me, my boys will be taking away from Government until my husband back home. I really don't want my boys stay in Boys Home or places that they get even more worst.

 

I know it not easy for me to tell you all this. I just don't have anyone to talk to about my feeling anymore. Except to my husband and God, i have not friend now. I don't expect you to understand or be in my shoes. I just want to get out before i realize i cant take it anymore. I just need you to pray for me. I really hope and want this round my husband avail to promo to Chef so we can apply for Singapore Position and hope we can move back. I had been praying for miracle to happen and i tell God "i want my husband to promo and i want to move back to Singapore either in November or December. I don't care about God will or not, i just want it". I know it not right to pray this way, but i just want to move out of here. But i also tell God, "i still believe in miracle and i still believe in my prayer. Because i was the example of miracle and prayer come true". I just need your prayer to move this miracle come true. So don't envy about my life. My life here is not happy as i use to be in Singapore.

 

Well...... I hope i not scare you aways from this e-mails. I really miss you, my sisters.

 

Have a great wonderful weeks.

 

Miss you

Diana

 

H1N1 Scare

Amid the H1N1 Influenza virus fear and preventive measures taken by all countries globally, one is nevertheless fearful for themselves and their loved ones. The world has become highly mobile, with a large percentage of people living as global citizens, flying to many different countries frequently as their job requires them to. Inevitably they come into contact with many people from different backgrounds and nationalities and might well be carriers of the virus unknowingly. and the virus is coming closer to our home day after day, with 2 confirmed cases in our closest neighbour, Malaysia.

To be honest, I am really fearful of the virus. I believe that I am pretty safe, considering that I am usually either home or in school or buying groceries while travelling between the two places. And I just teach students at my home, so I don't even worry about meeting people and catching the virus. Physical health has generally improved tremendously for me this half a year ever since I started teaching at home. But I can't help worrying about my family. Adrian, for a start, is frequently travelling to KL, the capital of Malaysia and most crowded and cosmopolitan. And his resistance is pretty low right now, having been overworked and travelling too much for comfort.

I am extremely worried for my sis and brother-in-law who live in Virginia, near Washington D.C. Although these are not blacklisted states, they are required to travel within the States on their jobs too. That is scarier than travelling to another country!

I worry for my sister's parents-in-law. her father-in-law frequently travel to India, Europe and North America, spending only a quarter of his time at home aka Singapore. He is the true global citizen here and is at high risk of catching the virus. And if he becomes a carrier and comes back to Singapore, even if he does not fall ill himself, his wife will surely catch it as her health is generally very weak.

When the school reopens, I will be worried for my kids. Many children would have gone to Malaysia during the holidays, who knows where else. How nice it would be if everyone could just stay home and shut themselves up, going out only when absolutely necessary. Like this holidays, this is the first time I find both Costa Sands Resort (Pasir Ris) and Downtown East still fully available including weekends so close to the school holidays. And why so? Because the quarantine holiday resort Aloha Loyang is just right after Costa Sands (Pasir Ris)!

Fear. Worry. Troubled. I recall how paranoid I was when SARS occurred and I was first diagnosed with my psychotic illness. I recall how I would wake up in the middle of the night crying and breaking out in could sweat during the Tsunami period, seeing the vision of this Indonesian woman holding her drowned toddler and crying in vain. Yes, being fearful, worried and troubled are indeed sins, for these natural disasters are works of God after all. He must have his divine reasons for these disasters to happen, beyond our comprehension. No disasters on earth, no urgency to seek Him, no need to long to go home to Heaven. I've got to learn to contain all these negative emotions I have and focus my energies on saving more of the lost, so that more will come to know God and benefit when doomsday come.

I Love You, Mum

For as long as I can remember, I've always longed for my Mum's attention and physical love. But at a very young age, I developed the kind of thinking that she didn't have time for me. She was either far too busy at work, or she'd be too tired to go anywhere after a week's of hard work as a secretary. She never promised anything - any requests to go zoo or bird park or sentosa always solicited the reply, "We'll see."

As I grew older, I saw my parents fight on the average once a year, during spring cleaning. My Dad is a sentimentalist who values his possessions and old compositions and old school magazines, while my Mum was a "thrower" who throws away anything and everything deemed useless. I recall accounts when they inevitably ended up in fights during and after spring cleaning, which resulted in my Mum leaving home to stay at her sister's place. My Granny would then be so worried about their relationship and how I was to cope without my Mum's love that she would constantly feel unwell. At that time, we were not aware that she had Ischemic heart disease despite regular checkups, as coronary heart disease was the only known heart disease and she was one of the "pioneers" in this variety of heart disease. Being close to my Granny and empathising with how unwell and worried she felt at her age, I learnt to hate my Mum because I saw her as the one creating all these unhappiness in the family.

As I grew older in years, I do not recall many times when I could turn to my mother when I needed help. I was far far closer to my Dad than my Mum. Much as I refused to acknowledge it, I was extremely disappointed and bitter when I had to return to school to collect my PSLE results on my own without my parents. Similarly, I attended my secondary school orientation on my own, albeit in my friend's father's car, who was going to the same secondary school. There, I bought my own Sec 1 textbooks and uniform, thanks to my 2 friends' mothers who helped to decide which was the right size of uniform for me to buy. Seeing everyone accompanied by at least one parent while I was all alone, I had the first taste of being pushed into independence against my wishes. I really want to be pampered, to be a Mummy's / Daddy's girl for awhile longer, reluctant to grow up. By then, I had developed such an attitude aqagainst my Mum that I channeled all my energies towards blaming her, while excusing my Dad for I saw a man as a main breadwinner of the family. There and then I swore that when I had my own kids, I would be a stay-home Mom. (See, my attitude is so bad that I differentiate between "Mum" and "Mom", insisting that my kids use "Mom" when referring to me!)

My sis, being 11 years younger than me, was in a more fortunate situation. Financially our family was better off, so she had more material comforts than I had at her age. To be fair, Mum did buy me clothes and her taste was really good. But with my attitude towards her, I didn't feel grateful, I felt that was the least she owed me. I always feel that my parents loved my sister much more, my Dad would boast about what a genius she was while my Mum would make sure she was well taken care of at all times. The uncountable number of times I got viciously scolded for keeping my sis awake from her nap! Gosh, she was hyperactive and just wouldn't sleep, and despite the fact that I hid myself behind the sarong, she would gurgle in search of me. What was I supposed to do??! Thank God this fury did not extend beyond towards my Mum. I loved my sis dearly and this feeling was reciprocated at a very young age.

When sis was older and started school, anything that happens to her would require me to bail her out of mischief. Whenever the teachers asked to meet the parents on her bad behaviour (reading story books under the desk instead of paying attention in class), I would be the surrogate parent attending. When sis caught chicken pox, I was the one stuck at home for 2 weeks, taking care of her, cooking for her, applying calamine lotion for her, foregoing my precious holidays in NUS. yet it was my sis who received all the love while I got all the reprimands. I gave up. I swore the day I had the means to leave home I would. And I would not turn back. And I would not bother with my Mum anymore.

After becoming a mother, I thought my feelings towards my mother would turn for the better, being able to understand her position as a mother better, especially since I was a working mother. Instead, I saw more of her incompetence and defectiveness as a mother. Imagine her asking me how did I ever learnt how to bathe my infants, breastfeed them (my sis and I were not breastfed), clean their poo and put on diapers for them. And twins at that too. I could only shake my head in disbelief when in private while telling her that I learnt it all when I was caring for my sis when she was a baby. And my Mum never remembered all those times I got scolded for not caring for my sis to perfection.

It wasn't until my first Bible study with Joyce Ng and Ler that I finally let out all these deep-rooted emotions all at once. It was a terrible feeling, I never realised just how much anger and hatred and misgivings there was in me. We cried together, prayed together, learnt to forgive together. Then my bipolar attacked and I attempted suicide and was warded to the hospital. Subsequently I disappeared from church for almost 2 years.

When I finally decided to return to church and do my Bible study again, this time with Grace and Pauline, I discovered that without realising it, I had actually forgiven my Mum two years ago. Forgiving is not forgetting, and I still feel bitter sometimes, but generally I do not hate her anymore. But I still couldn't feel the closeness a daughter and mother should, the years lost between us were just too many to be caught up with so quickly.

It is mid-year examination time now. Most of you know that my kids are both ill with high fever and need to resit for their paper within 2 days' of the original paper. This morning Natalie was having fever but was still very alert, so I decided to send her to school to sit for her Math paper while Nathanial will wait for Frkiday to resit his. While waiting for Natalie in the canteen, I was reflecting on how I used to fall sick during my primary school exams too. And it suddenly dawned on me that on these occasions, it was my Mum who took half day's leave to send me to school and wait for me to complete my papers then take me home early. 4 papers in 1 SA, 8 papers in 2. Multiply by 6 years and minus off prelim when i was well for the first time, that makes 47 times of half-day leave, or 23.5 days' worth of annual leave. Yeah, my Mum did love me after all, it's just that her upbringing has not taught her how to show her love.

These days that I'm no longer working in my glamorous manager position but teach tuition from home, I have suffered a drastic paycut. We struggle to make ends meet, and we have complete spent all our savings due to my illness and the high medical cost to treat it. It is my Mum who helps us by giving us a sum of money monthly to tide us over, and when I was last warded for self mutilation and mania and was not teaching for a whole month, she actually gave us a lump sum of 3k. Besides, she always delivers to our doorstep expensive fish on the pretext of giving it to the kids. What are we to do financially without my Mum? This is her way of showing her love for me. Far from what we have been taught in the parenting classes and all the parenting books, but remember she never attended any parenting class nor read any parenting book. All she knows what to do is to replicate what her parents did for her, as well as what she would liked her parents to do for her but did not.

This realisation today has hit me real hard. After 38 years of thinking that I don't mean anything to my Mum, I suddenly realise how much she really loves me. Mum, I'm sorry I was never your idea of a good daughter and was always rebellious, and I sincerely apologise for the trespasses I have made over the years to make you angry. Mum, this is not easy, but I really love you.

Attitude Problem

Having some attitude problem right now. Very grouchy and ready to pick a fight over any small matter. You see, Adrian will be gone for the whole June holidays and beyond. He's got reservist before the holidays start, and once the ICT is over, he has to immediately fly to Melbourne for 2 weeks, which means he'll be back only when school reopens. What am I supposed to do with the kids 4 weeks long??? I think I'm not going to give a heck about it and book a chalet and get away from home for a few days, even if finance is tight. I'm not going to get myself stuck at home. I'm really furious that things have turned out this way. The kids and I have been looking forward to the June holidays for so long, longing for Wild Wild Wet together with Adrian and now the whole month is burnt. Pig. Swine. Turtle. Mutant. Pissed. Attitude problem surfacing. I'll repent, but let me fume it out first. Fed up lah

Happy Mother's Day

Despite having been a mother of a pair of lovely twins for over 7 years, I never really could see myself fitting into the role of a mother naturally. But for the first time this year, I really feel that God has blessed me exceptionally much this Mother's Day, with so many good news to share.

First and foremost, most of you must already know that my father-in-law started studying the Bible formally today, Mother's Day. From what I gathered from the brothers he studied with as well as Alvin Fan who spent a little time with them, my father-in-law was very open and in fact seems to have already decided before the study that he will accept Christ as his Saviour.He went as far as to learn how to pray in today's session, which lasted over an hour and a half. What a breakthrough!

I also managed to invite my ex-babysitter to the service, although she did not mingle around and left immediately after the service. But it's still a good start, considering how she used to forbid my kids to say grace when having meals at her place.

Just before service started this morning, I received a surprised call from an ex-visitor brought to church last July by Veron whom she got to know during the racial harmony day. She said she was on the way to our church and wanted me to meet her at level 2. Turned out that she has been attending another church as she could carpool with a colleague living nearby, but right now she is on 6 monthsunpaid leave. Besides she was late today so she decided to come to our church which was just 5 minutes' drive away from home. I'm telling her how worshipping God is the same at any church. hoping that she would take the convenient way out and come to our church regularly from now on. Besides, her son is on good terms with Tiffany, Maria's daughter, so it really is a win-win situation. Will be spending time with her on Tuesday morning, pray for me that we have a fruitful session together.

I have established even closer ties with a neighbouring family with a Taiwanese mother. Now that she is feeling unwell from her first trimester of pregnancy, I have offered to provide lunch and dinner for her 4yo FOC. I also took this opportunity to invite her to our Chinese service, since she goes to Marine Parade with other Taiwanese mothers in the neighbourhood and the journey is too long for her to take it at the moment. Besides the service there is from 11.30am to 2pm, which is really awkward timing for lunch. She is seriously considering it for short term. Please pray that she comes and we can move her to stay on beyond this period of discomfort.

Last but not least, on Wednesday Natalie came back telling me there's a special pen she really loved selling at the school bookshop. She asked for extra money to buy it, but I refused, saying that a P1 child doesn't do her work with pens. Besides I always bulk purchase at value$, which costs 10 cents a pen approximately. Nevertheless on Thursday she came back with the pen. Really fanciful, blue in colour, with a heart-shape on top and a teddy bear sitting in the middle of the heart-shape. Adrian gave her a good scolding when he realised that the pen cost $1.50, 50 cents more than her daily allowance, which means she went hungry during recess and borrowed 50 cents from Nathanial besides. I suspected something was amiss, so I didn't reprimand her but told her to work out a plan to repay her brother the 50 cents she borrowed. (She has no access to her savings, they each have a piggy bank which is locked by a number lock which only I have access to, as well as a cardboard box to drop 10 cents in a day for the weekly poor contribution.) True enough, my mother's instinct was proven right on Saturday when Natalie presented me the pen as a Mothert's Day present. I was really touched. She looked into every detail, including buying the pen in my favourite blue colour rather than her favourite pink or red. More importantly, she forbade everyone including Adrian and Nathanial and my father-in-law and even herself from using that pen, because that is "Mommy's Special Pen". Near tears.

I feel really blessed, especially this hyear. My expectations in life seems to have reduced a lot in the past 2 years since I have become a Christian, and I am definitely a much happier person. I no longer worry about where I am to get the next meal or where I am to find money to buy the next set of assessment, for I am certain that if it is God's will, He will provide. I no longer worry about how much money is left in my bank account, but focus fully on how much treasure I can store up in heaven in the form of saving the lost and helping the needy. When I focus on other people and not on myself, I feel so much more at peace with myself. God, thank You for the miracles you've put in my life, I can never do without You ever again. Amen.

It's time to rock and roll!

For one rare moment in my life, words have failed me. My joy is beyond the description of any human language, and I am absolutely moved to tears by the way God has planned for things to work out. My father-in-law has finally committed himself to attending every Sunday Chinese service, after which he will study the Bible. Much as I have been praying for this to happen, and much I have been visualising him accepting Jesus as his Saviour and getting baptised, his decision to commit his time to studying the Bible still caught me very much by surprise. I wasn't there to witness the session this evening as I was at the Good Enough Parenting, but I heard from Adrian that Pa was pretty open about himself, which really isn't something we would expect considering his past. Nevertheless, we will leave him in the good hands of brothers Kwok Yew, Johnson and two others studying with him and keep ourselves away, for it must be awkward to have either of us sitting in due to our close relationship and the generation gap.

The biggest hurdle has now been crossed. It's now a matter of time before Pa accepts Jesus as his Lord and Saviour. It is not too early to party, is it? Come rock and roll with me! And thanks for all the prayers all these years!

Love, Carol

In Christ Alone...

In Christ alone I find peace and tranquility. I also find the satisfaction of contentment and the joy to give. Recalling the SEA Conference when I housed 6 Christians from KL (8 initially but 2 single brothers went over to Darren and Esther's instead), these days when I provide lunch and dinner for my neighbour's 3yo son as she is 2mth pregnant and too exhausted to cook or take care of him, as well as the ability to teach a single mum sister's son without charging her any fees, I feel the blessings God has given me to be able to share what I have with the less fortunate. I may not be well-off financially, as a matter of fact we struggloe every month to make ends meet, but I praise the Lord for providing me with enough to cover my heavy medical expenses and yet provide for others. I really believe that God gave me this illness for a reason, at least it was this illness that resulted in me bearing one fruit last year after the Good Enough Parenting course. I am sure there are other reasons for the illness and other ways God can use me, I am just waiting patiently for God to unfold His plans.

Lord, I'm ready, please use me for your purpose.

Amen.

A Lesson on Patience and Persistence

As many of you may have read from today's headlines on the Straits Times, Mas Selamat has been captured and detained in Malaysia for interrogation. It brings to mind many unanswered questions as well as realisation of the power of collaboration in working together. What, you might ask, are the correlations? Am I mad? No, of course I'm not mad, at least not yet.

According to the report, Mas Selamat was captured along the outskirts of JB on April 1 following some leads from our ISD, but news of the arrest has not been released by the Malaysian authorities until yesterday. Why is that so? He is after all our wanted man, not Malaysia's! Well, I guess the fact that the Malaysians caught him and not us gives them the right to interrogate Mas Selamat first and decide when they are ready to inform our authorities when they are ready. After all Mas Selamat is a highly dangerous figure and could sabotage not only Singapore but Malaysia as well. A ruthless man trained in military in Afghanistan and head of JI singapore, he must be capable of all terrorist activities. No country he steps foot upon is safe. Isn't he just like Satan, a time bomb that will go off any moment if we don't guard our hearts consistently and be submissive to God at all times? We trust the authorities to keep us safe, just like we trust God to keep us safe. And we have faith in the authorities to one day capture Mas Selamat again, just like we have faith in God to reveal His plans for us one day, according to His will.

It was sheer collaboration between ISD and Malaysian and Indonesian authorities over the past 8 years that landed Mas Selamat in detention three times, this being the fourth. Without this close ties between the countries and willingness to collaborate with one another, we would not be able to keep Mas Selamat under lock and key and hence keeping our countries terrorism-free. Look at the price paid when collaboration was not there the first time round when Mas Selamat was captured and detained in Bintang. He served his sentence and was set free to plan and create more havoc in the region. Had the Indonesian authorities extradite him straight to Singapore after he finished serving his sentence in Indonesia, we would have been able to keep him away earlier, and he would have less chance to get in touch and recruit more JI members in the region. I think this is a true reflection of our lives. We as Christians live a life of collaboration (aka accountability) with one another as well as with God. When we run into a problem, we don't keep mum and try to solve it ourselves. Rather, we should seek the advice of our brothers and sisters and pray hard about it. Somehow the answer will come if we have enough faith.

Some of you may know that for a few years I struggled with the decision of where to send my kids to for primary school education. Mee Toh came at the right/wrong time. I am a person who really emphasises on academic excellence as well as bilingualism, naturally Mee Toh became the ideal choice of school for my kids. Yet I know that it would be a huge spiritual struggle, I don't want them to be exposed to Buddhism at such a young and impressionable age. But I seriously doubted that Edgefield Primary was good enough. After all I only hear positive comments from Dennis + Pauline and Tony + Ling2. Everywhere else I hear negative remarks and how parents gtry ways and means to transfer their kids to Mee Toh. And my Higher Chinese from P1, which was offered only in Mee Toh and not Edgefield. I prayer and prayed and prayed, but nothing happened for over a year. And the time for registering them for P1 was drawing closer day after day. One morning, just as I had finished my QT and prayed, for some strange reason I just flipped through Psalms. And for some strange reason not related to that particular Psalm I was reading, I seemed to hear a voice telling me that Edgefield is the right school, and Higher Chinese should not be a deterring reason to stop me from sending them there. I listened to this sound faithfully and guess what I was rewarded with? Higher Chinese from P1 for this batch onwards!!! To date, I am very happy with the support the school and the teachers have given to my kids, especially during the time when I was acting up and got myself in the hospital. The school counsellor and form teachers saw my kids together as well as separately to explain to them the stress I was undergoing and what I did was wrong, but I did it nevertheless so that I won't take it out on them. They are a lot more sensitive to my roller coaster emotions now than before, and this I have to thank the school for it. And I see the two of them blooming, one in ballet, another academically as well as looking forward to joining soccer as CCA. what else can I ask for?

I have been a very blessed person, both before and after I became a disciple. Never mind the hardships I had to go through to be what I am today, they were preparations for the me I am today. Looking back, I have been patient and persistent to lead a life of my own desire, and I chose to follow Jesus and carry my cross rather than carry the family traditional burden. My parents and father-in-law have accepted our decision despite the fact that my mum was so against me becoming a Christian and threatened me emotionally for not tending to their needs when I first started going to church regularly on Sundays. Being a stubborn mule who always wanted my own way, I never relented.

Now my patience and persistence have finally paid off, just like ISD's patience and persistence in capturing Mas Selamat. Don't you now think there indeed is a correlation between the two?

Sowing seeds

Feeling so fired up after almost half a year of dry spell. It's just so easy to give up when everyone you attempt to talk to slam in your face that they are not interested in your church or some other earthly reasons. Not even when you share with them the good news of marriage and parenting workshop, for so few are willing to admit that they have a problem with either issue. And the most common excuse is Friday is the most popular evening for tuition and whatever enrichment classes.

Last Sunday brought my father-in-law to the Hokkien service. Brother Kok Yew actually managed to set up a 'friendship-building' cum bible study session with him coming Friday. Glory be to God and thanks to all of you who have been praying with me for so long! Then I managed to invite my children's ex-babysitter to come for the Chinese service this Sunday to celebrate Mother's Day. I'm so thankful to God for this successful invitation for she spends every single Saturday and Sunday going dating with her husband, and this is going to be one special occasion when she leaves him at home (she said he won't be interested in oldies). And when my kids were3 at her place, she would tell them to take their meals and need not say grace, for her family is Taoist and God will not hear the grace they said. What a surprise that she accepted my invitation immediately! Please pray with me that some golden girls will help reach out to her and make her feel at home.

I also tried to invite the grandmother of one of my students but she declined, saying thaat every Sunday she would visit another son. And being Mother's day, she would be busy with her children celebrating for her. Just as I thought it was a case closed, last night my student asked me about Christianity, with many interesting questions like, "Is Satan a devil god?", "Is God alive?", "Is Jesus alive?", "Have you seen Jesus?", "Why are you a Christian even though you are a Chinese?", etc etc etc... I ended up spending part of our lesson telling him a super concised story of both OT and NT and he got really excited about knowing more. I have invited him to Friday's ranger class, fingers crossed he gets permission from his mother to attend class. He is even talking about taking his 12yo sister along, though I explained to him that she would be in another class for Pre-Teens. Nevertheless, he is still very excited at the prospects of attending ranger class, and I'm so fired up! Not KK yet, I don't want to push my luck too far. Ranger class is good enough for a start, I'm sure, for it is a great opportunity for friendship building.

From this experience, I see that God has been really kind to me. Despite the fact that I waivered in my faith of my ability to sow seeds when the going gets tough, God is there creating ever more opportunities for me, just waiting for me to take hold of them and fully exploit them. I feel so fired up now that I want to invite all the aunties in the neighbourhood I know, as well as my own aunts and Adrian's. I'm feeling all fired up again, just like I did when Natalie got baptised and when I brought Auntie Mary to church. Oh Lord, may this fire never waiver and die again, but continue to burn strong for You and to do your course. Amen.

My crown of GLORY

Dear sisters,

 

   I received my crown yesterday, a permanent one. Hmmm, in case you are wondering, yes, you are right...not the crown from heaven but a permanent crown over the temporary one covering one of my upper left set of tooth. 

 

I have been waiting eagerly over the last 2 weeks for this crown. The temporary one (some of you might have noticed but too kind to ask me, was entirely silver in color and supposed to last only 2 weeks). Jenna said it looked like those golden teeth old folks had in the past! I have been particularly conscious of how I looked last 2 weeks. Tried to smile on my right side only, tried to cover my mouth when I smile, tried to smile without showing teeth...and any other ways to smile...you name it)

 

Anyway, all said, I was very glad to receive my crown, my permanent crown. Now I can smile my original self, real wide and showing the full set of teeth.

 

Did I share with you the process of getting this crown? My dentist had to first remove the silvery temporary crown followed by cleaning up my broken tooth within. Then with much drilling (that was what I heard), he crowned my broken tooth. As for me, I was praying non-stop. Never had I been more spiritual :

 

God, give him wisdom!

God, give him skill!

God, give him calmness!

God, I don't want to die.

God, I am willing to pay any amount. Just get him to give me my crown, fast and safe....(Insight: Anyone who struggles with prayer should visit a dentist)

 

After half an hour, I received my crown at $550.

 

The crown I am getting is a permanent one. Yet how permanent can it be? Did I tell you that it all started with a tooth that split more than 10 years ago. The first crown was given over 10 years ago, but due to receding gums, it no longer served the purpose. The dentist had that crown removed , stuck a silver temporary crown(that last 2 weeks) and replaced it with the new permanent crown yesterday.

 

Yet is it really permanent? Maybe it can last another 10 years, God willing. Sisters, as I laid on the reclining chair, preparing to receive my crown yesterday, I thought of another crown, one that will last forever. How much are we willing to pay for this crown?

Aren't we glad, Jesus paid... with His blood.

 

Thank you, Father! Amen!

 

love,sk

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

AsiaOneNews: The day I failed an examination

This message was forwarded to you from AsiaOne (http://www.asiaone.com.sg) by soonkeowtan@gmail.com

Comments from sender:

I feel so touched by this,esp abt PM Lee, what he has gone through. love,sk

Tue, May 05, 2009
AsiaOneNews: The day I failed an examination


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Adoption

Dear sis,
How are you? It is great we can keep up w each other in the blog.
I want to share recently we are seriously thinking of adoption. We want to adopt a baby girl fr mainland china. You know, I have a son who is nine yrs old. We have tried few years but not successful. My husbands actually initial me to consider adopting but I feel that I am not ready.

I really think through it, why I want to adopt:
It is a good thing to do as it helps to change a person's life.
It will add joy to the family as we like to have a daughter
My husband is going to work overseas for 12 months. No chances to mk baby.
Financially we are ok to have one more kid.
Sean likes to be a big brother. He will have a companion. And I noticed that he likes to look after other younger kids.
My hubby wants to adopt, I should support him.
We are no longer young …
Surely, we will treat her as our own child.

I want to pray about it seriously. I pray that GOD will guide us if it is GOD will and it will please him.

My hubby & I are really excited about it. We are looking and searching more info about adoption. We knew two agencies are doing adoption from China. We will ask for more info and know more the procedures and costs.

Amen
Wendy

Struggle...

Feeling vexed the past 2 days. For a few months Adrian has been fighting against extreme fatigue, he has been extremely burnt out at work and at home. Obviously I'm not much of a help with my mood swings going roller coaster every other day. Fortunately he has a reasonably understanding lady boss who treats him like a godson, and her husband definitely adores Adrian. But that is no excuse for Adrian to be late for work almost everyday.

A couple of days ago, Adrian shared with me that his lady boss spoke to him, telling him that if I have insomnia, he should just leave me to do my stuff while he goes to bed. Nothing wrong with the statement, except that I am not the one keeping him up late into the night!!! Truth be it, many a times I don't even get to see him when he comes home late, because I go to bed early, sometimes as early as 9.30pm. Especially weekends, I could sleep from late afternoon to the next day. It is Adrian himself who chooses to sleep late. Sometimes when he feels like taking a cat nap before doing some work, he'd sleep til morning. I feel really upset that he did not have the courage to voice out that it's his problem and not mine, that I am not the one causing him to have late nights and inadequate sleep. As a matter of fact I've been struggling to keep up with his late night habits ever since we got married, until I was diagnosed and put on medication which causes me excessive drowsiness. I sleep on the average 9 to 13 hours a day. If you can do your Maths, I must sleep no later than 11pm, otherwise I won't be able to wake up the next day to cook lunch and pick the kids!

It somehow reminds me of the lies and deceit in Abraham and his descendants, in order to cover their sins and have their way. Well, I suppose this is a coping mechanism of human kind, no one in the right mind in Adrian's situation would tell the boss the truth. I am doing my best to focus on how much he loves the family, what an awesome husband he is, how hard he works to provide for the family, rather than dwell in a little fault of his. I am keeping myself busy praying about how I'm feeling and readingthe Bible about it. Sisters, please pray with me too.

Love you all,
Carol

More Blessings...

Seems like everyone has been very busy. No one has been posting on the blog page. Yeah, it's SA1 time, no wonder. I myself have been laden with students' last minute revisions. Why last minute? Because everyone has been falling ill due to the pressure! One of my P4 boys have been having stomach flu and have been vomiting and leaving school early almost everyday for the past 3.5 weeks! I'm not at all envious of the kids these days... I largely leave my kids alone. They refuse to acknowledge my authority as a teacher and refuse to do any assessments for me. I'm not too worried except for their attitude. After all Nathanial is coping very well and Natalie is not one to be pushed too hard.

Neighbour's Taiwanese wife is 2 months pregnant. Absolutely beat, retching all day and have no energy to take care of her 3yo son or cook for him. Started to provide him with lunch and dinner to take a load off the couple's mind. I feel really blessed that I have the means to help, to be able to help, and that my offer to help is being accepted. Beginning to understand what it means by giving is more fortunate than receiving, 施比受更有福!

Feel also very much blessed that after much praying and 'scheming', finally got Brother Kok Yew to set up the first study with my father-in-law this Friday evening. Really looking forward to Friday approaching. Please pray for us for my father-in-law to be open and receptive to the biblical teachings, so that he may soon join us in God's kingdom.

Love you all,
Carol