Sharing of the Tan's 2009 Resolutions

Dear all,

It is the time of the year for resolutions. I usually will have a key verse to mediate on.
Last year the verse was from Matt5:13

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?" So I started calling myself SaltyTan to remind myself to remain salty.

For this year, our family verse will be

Philippians4:4-8
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Now for the resolutions

We usually categorise into 3 categories
1. Spiritual

• Build relationship with Christians (Spend time with 1 couple every 2 months,
  outside own group)
• Friends (Reaching out to parents of kids' classes,inspired by Carol)
• Continue to follow Karen's QT series in hotnews

2. Family

• Consistent weekly devo
• Weekly sharing of Highs and Lows
• Read to kids

3. Self

• Excel in work
• Exercise regularly (weekly)
• Learn Geography
• Read 1 book every 2 months
• Be disciplined
  
  

Pls pray for the Tans
Love
Soon Keow aka SaltyTan

It's the time of the year again. In another 10 hours or so we'd have stepped into year 2009. What a time for reflections and showing gratefulness, making resolutions and confessions. Not exactly an easy task though, especially if it's on the blog for all to see. But we as disciples of Christ, what have we got to hide from anybody?

Resolutions have been made with progress covered, so I'm not going to touch on this topic this time round. But I'd like to show my appreciation to many sisters and brothers who have helped Adrian and I grow spiritually and were there when we needed them most. Veron, Lay Choo and Pauline, thank you for babysitting for us for 6 days when I desperately needed a break and just ran away to KL for an escapade in November, leaving the 2 kids with you. Thank you for the meticulous care and concern you've showered them, to the extent of doing their laundry, such that I have nothing else to do when I returned from my escapade! Lay Choo, thanks for being there always when I needed help or a listening ear or some sound advice, your friendship is so precious to me and my family. Pauline, I'm sorry if I've hurt you unintentionally, but I'm glad we've sorted out our differences. Right now I don't know what I can do without you staying so close to me, ready to meet me any moment for a short prayer or just to listen to me pour out my sorrows and woes.

Ling, Bee and Soon Keow, thanks for the encouragements you've given me over numerous occasions. We may not know each other well, but I look forward to 2009 when I could spend more time knowing you better and establish closer ties with you. Especially Ling, with our kids in the same school and same level, we can come together and discuss their homework eh? :)

Reflecting upon 2008, it has been a pretty fruitful year for me. I started giving tuition from home so that I may spend more time with my kids, and this has resulted in a relationship we now have so close that it has never been before. Towards the end of the year, I started dedicating a day each week to teach students from families with financial difficulties, hoping that they could do better in their studies and stop the vicious cycle of not being to get a well-paid job due to their education level. This I will continue in the new year and the number of students have grown into 3. I hope that God will give me the strength, calm and organisation ability to teach them, as they are from different levels.

Now comes the most difficult part: confessions. It has been quite a challenge to keep up with my 'normal', routine life, let alone my spiritual life. I'm enslaved to my psychiatric medication for life, and that is not exactly a pleasant thing. It takes a lot of discipline to force the medications down my throat at regular hours everyday as they are time released medicines. And the side effects, bloatedness, edema, weight gain, extreme thirst, they are killing me. It's such a great temptation and so easy to conveniently 'forget' about taking them, but I've learnt from past experiences that convenience means suffering, not only to me but to my whole family. I thank God for giving me a pair of lovely twins who understand I need much time-out for myself, and take turns reminding me to take my medicines. With the medicines, I'm drowsy not only at night after the dose, but also throughout the day, so it's almost impossible to keep up with my housework after I'm done with tuition. With situation as such, my struggle with keeping up with my quiet time, the study of Patmos and the reading of New Testament really suffers. So does my marriage. I'm so grateful that God sent such a wonderful and understanding man as Adrian into my life, but no matter how wonderful he is, he is still human. When the going gets tough in the office and he comes back to an unkempt house with a wife half asleep in bed by 8.30pm, it is really no fun. I'm trying hard right now playing with medications to keep me awake long enough to gradually clean up the house, then I will employ a part-time cleaner to clean the house twice a week. Hopefully that will make Adrian's life easier and more willing to come home. And we'll be ready to host disciples from overseas this coming SEA conference.

Dearest sisters, as you can see, I'm realy struggling much in my life, especially with the killer medicines. Please pray for me that I will overcome them and not the other way round, and that I will be more fruitful this coming 2009. I want to make evangelism and saving lost souls/sheep the top of my list, and I need all the prayers I can get. Also my lessons with the 3 needy students, I need organisational skills so that I will not neglect anyone of them.

I thank you for your prayers for I know you'll be praying for me. Amen.

Resolutions for Year 2009

A bit too greedy, the widget box won't take all I want to write, so I guess this is the next best alternative to voice out my resolutions.

Resolution #1:
Evangelize and bring more lost souls/sheep to church, especially parents of my children's friends whom I'll get to meet daily on weekdays.
To date:
~1 Catholic brought to church, awaiting to start bible study with Golden girls. Been attending Sunday services regularly and enjoys fellowship with the Golden girls.
~1 highly arrogant lost sheep brought to church and handed over to Phua Hee as he is a single. Problem off my hand. Hee hee hee...!!!
~1 lost sheep who stopped attending church 4 years ago will be coming to church 1st Sunday of 2009 with 13yo daughter. Please pray for them.

Resolution #2:
To be a good discipler.
Struggling to keep in touch with my disciple Natalie Chan. While I understand how she is currently feeling as I went through a similar self-denial state for 1.5 years, I want to help her get out of it faster, yet I don't know how to do it when she intentionally avoids our attempts to contact her. The only way I can find out about her wellbeing is through her husband and daughter. Please pray for me.

Resolution #3:
To discover my spiritual gifts and put them into practice.
So far I have come to discover that my bilingualism, ability to teach and even my Bipolar Disorder are gifts from God. I use my bilingualism to reach out to Mandarin speaking sisters and help them integrate into the fellowship, use my ability to teach and dedicate Friday afternoons to teach kingdom kids who are academicaly weak but can't afford help financially, and my understanding of my illness to form a support group for sisters in church who suffer from similar psychiatric problem. Pray for me that I can put my gifts into good use.

Resolution 4:
Register my tuition as a sole-proprietorship business.
After much thoughts and discussion with Adrian, Soon Eng and my father-in-law, I have finally decided to register my tuition as a sole proprietorship. In other words, come Jan 2009 I will be running my own business from home! With receipts issued out under the business name and having a business registration number, it would be much more professional and would be a form of free advertisement in itself among parents who know my current students' parents. Pray for me that this will be a succes.

Thanks sisters!

'Want' versus 'Need'

Have always had a distinct view about 'want' versus 'need'. Isn't that about pampered children 'wanting' things which they don't really 'need'? But I've got an absolutely new insight into this in the past couple of weeks.

I find it a real struggle to go to the year-end party. I've long outgrown parties since I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. No alcohol, party where got fun one. What's more a theme party. Isn't partying about tight jeans and sey tops and bartop dancing? Party at the church??? It wasn't half as bad last year as I'm a retro fan, I have to say I trully enjoyed myself last year though there were times when I just had to call it a time-out. But masquerade?? Not my cup of tea nor coffee I'm afraid.

Thanks to Veron and her advice, I finally see the need to be at the party despite my desire aka 'want'. 'Where the church gathers there is where I want to be.' What a great advice. Isn't that what being a disciple is all about? Veron, thanks for waking me up from my selfish 'wants' and realising what my 'needs' truly are.

With my psychiatric condition, I am discreetly reaching out to sisters in the church who suffer from similar problems. I've always seen myself as the most uncooperative patient, not taking my medicines at the right dosage but adjusting them daily according to what I think I 'need'. The truth is, I'll be slave to these medicines for life, and who would like that? What's more the side effects are a pain: edema, extreme thirst, weight gain, constant drowsiness to the extent of not being able to function properly the whole day. It wasn't until today that I realise among the sisters and friends with similar problems whom I reach out to feel the same way as I do, and all inevitably try to postpone the time to take medicine, thereby affecting their level of activity in the day. Some drag till a night dose gets taken in the morning so they sleep in the day and wake up at night, thereby affecting their family lives. Others have to enforce discipline upon themselves by using monthly injections to replace the daily oral medication. Looks like after all I'm more aware and in control of my 'want' versus 'need' after all, since I will force myself to take my time released medications at a fixed time on a daily basis, even if I do vary the dose. Besides, my varying the dosage has ben approved with the specialist's blessings.

This leads me to reflect upon how important it is to truly surrender to God. My spiritual growth really embarked 9 months after I was baptized, when I decided to surrender an issue bothering me for years to God and seek reconciliation with a sister. Today I have to say that without this sister who lives so near me, I would be at a loss whenever I'm feeling down and need someone to pray with or talk to. And my discipline over my medication between 'want' and 'need' is realy a reflection upon how I surrender my 'needs' to God and do what is right, regardless what the spoilt brat in me truly 'wants'.

'Want' and 'need'. Indeed an effective insight into one's personal and spiritual discipline.

Why Did Jesus Fold The Napkin?

Why Did Jesus Fold The Napkin?


Why did Jesus fold the linen burial cloth after His Resurrection? I never noticed this....

The Gospel of John (20:7) tells us that the napkin, which was placed over the face of Jesus, was not just thrown aside like the grave clothes. The Bible takes an entire verse to tell us that the Napkin was neatly folded, and was placed at the head of that stony coffin.

Early Sunday morning, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and found that the stone had been rolled away from the entrance. She ran and found Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved. She said, 'They have taken The Lord's body out of the tomb, and I don't know where they have put him!'

Peter and the other disciple ran to the tomb to see. The other disciple outran Peter and got there first. He stooped and looked in and saw the linen cloth lying there, but he didn't go in. Then Simon Peter arrived and went inside. He also noticed the linen wrappings lying there, while the cloth that had covered Jesus' head was folded up and lying to the side.

Is that important? Absolutely! Is it really significant? Yes! In order to understand the significance of the folded Napkin, you have to understand a little bit about Hebrew Tradition of that day. The folded napkin had to do with the Master and Servant, and every Jewish boy knew this Tradition. When the servant set the dinner table for the master, he made sure that it was exactly the way the master wanted it. The table was furnished perfectly, and then the servant would wait, just out of sight, until the master had finished eating, and the servant would not dare touch that table, until the master was finished.

Now if the master were done eating, he would rise from the table, wipe his fingers, his mouth, and clean his beard, and would wad up that napkin and toss it onto the table. The servant would then know to clear the table. For in those days, the wadded napkin meant, 'I'm Done. But if the master got up from the table, and folded his napkin, and laid it beside his plate, the servant would not dare touch the table, because..........The folded napkin meant, 'I'm coming back!'

He is Coming Back!

Victory of Surrender

"Surrender equals victory. Let go and let God. Simply stated, this concept means that we give up the emotional control of our lives and everything about them. It does not mean that we no longer think or feel or have preferences. But it does mean that we end up facing all decisions with the same heart expressed by Jesus when he said “Yet not as I will, but as you will.” We think, we plan but we emotionally surrender the final outcome to God. We pray for what we judge is the best solution but are willing to accept the worst scenario if necessary". By Gordon Ferguson

In times of uncertainty ahead, I want to surrender the final outcome to God.

Love,
Bee

Why a Prayer Shoutbox?

Dear Sisters,

I am so happy today. Finally got the prayer shout box up, something I have been wanting to do for a long time. Took quite a while to adjust the column width la. Anyway, it has been my wish to get us connected in prayers. And I don't really like to mix that with the Blessings Shoutbox. So feel free to enter your prayer requests. I will be praying for them, definitely. Hopefully each prayer answered will get into the Blessing Shoutbox one day.
Also, pls enter your resolutions so I can update it in our blog as well. Will be at the left bottom part of the sidebar. Currently, only have 1 person's i.e. mine.


Love, Soon Keow

Poem by T.Yates

A Nice Poem to inspire all. Be careful how we mould a child. Soon Keow

By T.Yates

I found a piece of plastic clay

And idly fashioned it one day;

And as my fingers pressed it still

It moved and yielded at my will.

I came again when days had past,

The lump of clay was hard at last

The form I gave it still it bore

And I could change that form no more.

I took a piece of living clay,

And gently formed it day by day,

And molded with my power and art,

A young child's soft and yielding heart.

I came again when days were gone;

It was a man I looked upon,

He still that early impress bore,

And I could change him never more.

Nathanial is off to camp again!

Once again, I'm packing for Nathanial's bag for his bi-annual taekwondo holiday camp. A year ago when I first sent him to the camp, it was literally living hell. People telling me he's to young to go for such a physically intensive camp when he's not even 6, others telling me they just didn't understand why I was so hard-hearted and not at all worried. But behind this brave, couldn't-be-bothered facade, nobody knew the emotional upheavals I was going through except for Adrian and some closer sisters. Which mother will not be worried sick? But If the instructor thinks he's old enough, I should trust him. After all I do trust him once a week to train up my son. And one day, sooner or later, Nathanial has to learn to be independent. And I have to learn to let go. Let it be sooner then.

During the 3D2N camp, I was worried sick. What if he missed home and cried? What if he wasn't used to the food there? What if they didn't feed him enough (he has an appetite of a dinosaur)? Despite the camp being at Punggol End PA Campsite, I resisted the strong urge to go and take a peek at him, for fear that if we see each other, we wouldn't be able to let go. And I didn't want to be a pain and constantly call his instructor for an update. So while he spent 3D2N camping and training, I spent the same amount of time moaning and groaning and praying and missing him and yet having to act tough and spend time with Natalie.

When Nathanial came back from camp in one piece without any injuries or bruises, imagine how relieved I felt! As I talked to him and asked him about his camp, he actually 'confessed' to me that he was too busy enjoying himself to think of me and miss home! Didn't know to feel proud of him or to feel sad for myself...

It's that time of the year again. As I pack his clothes, that feeling of misery and drear is back all over again, despite knowing that he'll cope well in the camp after the past experience. As a matter of fact he is so excited that he hasn't been able to say anything the past few days except his camp and the barbercue that will take place on the 2nd evening. I guess as a parent and especially a mother, your child will always be that young little thing you're till nursing, no matter how old he has grown up to be. This also gives me a new insight into how our heavenly Father feels as He watches us stumble and fall in the world, how He would love to pamper us and protect us from all harm, yet how He desires that we should seek Him earnestly without 'forgetting to think of Him'. I pray for the emotional strength that I will need in the next few days of Nathanial's absence, that I may truly let go and surrender Nathanial to God's care, for Nathanial is after all God's child like me.

I Can Only Imagine

Nice songs to share with u!

I can only Imagine

Enjoys!

Luv,

Veron

Two second of Distraction...

Today an old friend sent me an email attachment of "Zodiac 2009", i was tempted to open it up and read it...something i have enjoyed reading and believing in the past. In this time of uncertainty, i believe even disciples can be distracted from the confidence that their ultimate well-being doesnt lie in the hands of other people or circumstances. Romans 12:1-2 this scriptures urge the believers to renew their mind continually by remembering what God has done for them......and so i deleted the email.

Justina

Usage of Shout Box

Dear Sisters,

 

    I have included the shout box on the left. Very easy to use, just type your name, a msg and click shout.

    

    Sorry, Veron and BB,  I deleted 2 messages from the shout box earlier.

I should have introduced the usage of the shoutbox to everyone. It is for us to "shout" our blessings. Pls feel free to use it to praise God, thank someone you love and encourage one another, or anything that will bring a smile to God.

 

   Pls do not use it as an instant messaging tool to ask questions or post announcements.

  

    For matters regarding individual post, pls use the comment to relay messages.

 

All these are for easier administration too. ;)

 

In Christ

Soon Keow

 

Some Facts about Fruit by Rick Warren

The kind of fruit my father grew is just one kind of fruit – natural fruit. There is also biological fruit, the offspring of animals and the children of people.

Then there is spiritual fruit, and that’s what God is talking about in Galatians 5:22-23, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (NIV)

The question is: How do we develop these character qualities? Obviously, God doesn’t just zap us one day and suddenly these qualities materialize in our lives. He uses a process that involves a partnership with us and also the time to grow.

It requires partnership. The apostle Paul describes this partnership in Philippians 2:12-13 (NIV), where he says “continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,” but then he also says, “for it is God who works in you ….”

It’s important to note that Paul doesn’t say, “Work for your salvation.” The Bible clearly teaches we don’t have to work for our salvation. It is a free gift of God’s grace.

In a sense, Paul is talking about a spiritual workout, just like when you physically work out to develop or tone muscles. We’re to make the most of what we’ve been given. God provides the power for our spiritual growth, but we must flip the switch.

It requires time. It takes time for fruit to ripen, and in the same way, there’s no such thing as instant spiritual maturity. When you try to rush fruit, it doesn’t taste as good. If you’ve ever eaten tomatoes that have been artificially ripened to speed up the process, then you know there’s no comparing them to the wonderful taste of naturally, vine-ripened tomatoes. It takes time for fruit to ripen, and it takes time for spiritual fruit to ripen in your life.

You can begin by telling God right now that you want to be a productive, fruitful disciple, one who cooperates with his plan.

Ask God to use his Word to change the way you think. Invite the Holy Spirit to have free rein in your life. Don’t hold anything back. Ask God to help you respond to difficult people and unpleasant situations just as Jesus would. God wants to produce the fruit of the Spirit in your life, so partner with God on your spiritual growth and watch what develops over time.

Zone's plans for 2009

Theme verse for year 2009 :

Galatians 5 : 22-24

But the fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, self-Control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the spirit.

3 areas of focus:

God :

Whole zone’s bible study to focus on one fruit of the spirit , how can we work towards having those spiritual qualities. Example:

January – Love
February –Joy
March-Peace
April-Patience
May-June – Kindness
July-Goodness
August-Faithfulness
Sep-October-Passage to Patmos Part 2
November-Gentleness
December-Self-control

Sunday prayer :
As it is already the tradition of our zone for a few years , we will continue to have father & mother to take turn to pray together on the 1st & 3rd week of every month. On Sunday mornings.

One another :

Prayer partners:
One month basis , each one of us will have a prayer partner , we can chose whichever person in the group , the partner will decide how often they will meet for prayer together,through this prayer partnering,we will be able to know each other even more.

Each month , we will organise one activities that involves the whole zone , activities like :

1. Children’s event , funtime in the park , children devo ,etc...
2. Sports event for the fathers (Table tennis , badminton , street soccer etc.....)
3. Camping trips
4. 2 days 1 night Malaysia trip (June holiday period)

Blogging:

Both brother and sister’s ministries have their own blogging sites. Sister’s site is managed by Soon Keow and brother’s site is managed by Adrian. The purpose of the blog is to encourage one another, pen down our thoughts of our QT , monthly fruit of the spirit bible studies, announcements , good news sharing etc...

Feel free to visit us :

Sister’s site : www.inchristaloneistand

Brother’s site: www.seekthykindom

Mission :

Every member in the zone to strive to involve in studies every month , be it study the bible with someone , sit in or just have appointments with someone they reach out to in church.

Once every two months , we will also organise bible talks in zone level , different small group leaders will take turns to lead and organise.

On top of that , those fun time or trips that we organise , it will be also be mission focus , we will invite visitors as well , especially those Eunice sister’s husbands.

To God be the glory

Jason & Veron Kuwe

AsiaOneNews: My 6-floor dash to safety

This message was forwarded to you from AsiaOne (http://www.asiaone.com.sg) by soonkeowtan@gmail.com

Comments from sender:
Dear sisters, we got to read this and not take anything for granted.

Fri, Dec 05, 2008
AsiaOneNews: My 6-floor dash to safety


Click here for to read the full story.

Or cut and paste this URL in your browser:
http://www.asiaone.com/News/Latest%2BNews/Asia/Story/A1Story20081205-105788.html

Copyright © 2007 Singapore Press Holdings Ltd. Co. Regn. No. 198402868E. All rights reserved

Crazy urge: A poem on my conversion

I know the Lord when I was eight

Thankfully it was not too late

My teacher would skip our Chinese lessons

To tell us bible stories with great essence 

 

God, seated on His throne, was an old man

We were but tiny crawling ants

God, looking down at us, was a fierce man

He will not hesitate to lift his hand

 

Imagine the fear in my tiny heart

When I hear of the scariest part

Believe in HIM you go to heaven

Meaning my loved ones gonna get burnt 

 

Yet my Chinese teacher Mr Lim

Never failed to bring a gleam

God was also a loving father

He never finds me a bother

 

With much gratitude I pen this down

Childhood memories returning now 

My teacher had planted many seeds

Now it's my turn to spread the good deeds

 

By Soon Keow

Celebrating Peace, Love and Ice Cream

Justina

7th Dec (Sun) Zone picnic n6th dec

sorry,,,,,

the actual date is 7th of Dec instead of 6th Dec

PC Sales-Going at an attractive price of only S$750!

Dear sisters,

 

My company is having PC sales (Brand New Pics).  Let me know if any of you is interested.  Pls see detail specifications.

HP Compaq dc7800 Small Form Factor PC at S$750 (original selling price is S$1,500) each. All PCs are loaded with MS Windows Vista. The specifications are as below:

         Std PS-dc78 SFF Chassis

• MS Windows Vista
• Intel Core 2 Duo E8300 Processor
• 2GB PC2-5300 (DDR2-667)2x1GB Memory
• HP 160GB SATA NCQ SMART IV 1st HDD
• HP PS/2 Standard Keyboard
• HP PS/2 2-Button Optical Scroll Mouse
• SATA 16X/48X DVD-ROM 1st Drive
• Symantec AntiVirus-60 day Live Update SW
• HP (3-3-3) dc7800 SFF Warranty
• dc7800 Country Kit
• HP Silver Flat Panel Speaker Bar
• HP L1710 17-inch LCD Monitor

 

Justina

6th Dec picnic and fun time for the zone!!

We finally have decided going to have the picnic on this 6th Dec 2008!!

Details is as follows:-

Venue: Pasir Ris Park , car park D.
Time: 9am
Attire: as comfortable as possible
Things to bring: tent, water, floor mat, swim wear, radio,etc.

Communion bread and wine: Pauline
Song Lead: Kevin
Devotion: Jason
Children's game: Tony
Adult's game: Dennis
Ta bao lunch coordinator: Chin Hoe & Soon Eng

Rough schedule:

0900am-1030am: meet and set up tent and fellowship
1030am-1100am: Communion and kids devotional
1100am-1200pm: games
1200pm-1230pm: free and easy
1230pm-1330pm: lunch
1330pm-onwards: sand and swim and fun!!!!!

Looking forward to have great bonding and fun time together!!

Luv in Christ,

Jason & Veron Kuwe

Reflecting on Miracles

"Jenna" or "God is gracious"

  

Jenna or "God is gracious" is a constant reminder of God's grace to me. For many who know us, Jenna is our firstborn on both side of the families. I vividly remember the call I received from the Dr WK Tan, my gynea, when I was 14 weeks pregnant, asking me to go back for a confirmation scan as my blood results indicated she was under the high-risk Down Syndrome category. 

 

The confirmation test only confirmed that the first test was accurate. What followed next were months of tears and cries (my hubby and myself) to God, as the tummy gets bigger and the stress gets greater. I thought maybe it is because both my husband and myself are "Tans" and we should not get married. I feel sorry for the grandparents on both sides; especially for what they have to go through due to my pregnancy; for years of looking forward to a grandchild that turned into months of anxiety and fear.

 

I received a call from Justina one day at work. (Justina, can you still remember?) Justina was expecting Jeremy with expected due date a few days apart from mine. She just asked a "How are you?" and the line was silent. I was so emotional, tears flow non-stop. I was at my work station. I was working at Yellow pages then. How do I answer how I am?

 

It was stress every moment. You don't really know what to pray. You feel that you have to be spiritual in order for God to answer prayers. Yet, is it a spiritual prayer- to ask for a "normal" child?Asking for God's will to be done seem to be more spiritual yet you fear so much that God's will is to let you take care of a child with special needs. It was a continual struggle as you learnt to pray that God's will be done.

 

Next was my struggles with vows. I really wanted to make a vow to God, like Hannah did for Samuel. Yet, you feel so afraid that you cannot keep up to your vows.Many times, however, the prayer model was Hannah. And I truly understand what it is to pray out of bitterness and sorrow of heart.

 

There was no problem for me to love a child with special needs. My fears were more on who is going to take care of her while I am gone.

 

The big day came, Jenna was born, 2 months premature, weighing 2kg. What few people knew were that even upon birth, nobody told us she was normal. She was at the special care then, as a result of her prematurity.

 

Visits to the special care; my mom and brother noticed her crying most of the time. Mom was really worried. She thought it was because of her being a downs child.

 

I remembered the 3rd day, when I visited my baby. I saw her struggling to open her eyes then. She looked looked so abnormal that I asked the nurses regarding this. They could not answer me, just asked me to check with the doctor. Next, I went around the hospital looking for the paediatrician (to no avail). I called my husband up and I remembered him telling me "not to worry." I realised he could not give me the anwer I wanted to hear also - that the baby was alright.That was the same answer he gave me immediately after the birth of Jenna when I asked him " Is she normal?" I guessed by then he was more ready than me, to accept a child with a genetic order.

 

To this date I wondered if God had performed a miracle while the baby was in my womb. What I knew was when I had her, there was very little movement she made. She seldom moved. Read somewhere that that was one of the signs. I do not know.

 

Whatever it is, I know if God performed a miracle,  He performed the very best, just like the way He turned the wine into the best. And just by giving her to us it is a miracle.

 

More than a week ago, we received a letter accepting her, our "Downs" child was accepted into Nanyang Primary GEP programme. This is a gift from God!

 

Recently, she wrote a passage out of her own memory, an entire poem from the GEP test she took. I thought : WOW! This is a gift from God!

 

Yet many times, we let God down. Many times I have such sinful thoughts about her that show how ungrateful I am. Many times, I find her a super difficult child, most difficult among all my other kids.

 

How much more ungrateful can I get?

 

She is a gift from God. 

 

Soon Keow